"Beautiful Life"
(Originally posted January 4, 2013)
I noticed earlier tonight as I was ready back over some blog entries from the past year, that I was in almost the exact same place with my thought process at this exact time last year, and that God was doing almost the exact same work in my life then as He is now. Don't remember? Click on this post from January 1, 2012 and this post from December 13, 2011.
Funny how things can come full circle, because I certainly didn't spend my entire year beating myself up. In fact, this has been an exceptionally good year- a year of growth an opportunity for me. But with the easy, sometimes comes the hard. I find it interesting at the end of last year I was feeling some of the same things about myself as I was near the end of 2012.
What I am learning is that I am my own worst critic. And more than that, the things I sometimes feel about myself aren't true. At all. A dirty house doesn't make me a bad mom any more than putting on a black and white bathing suit when I am overweight makes me a fat zebra. But when my head tells me I am a fat zebra (figuratively speaking of course), God reminds me through His word, and the words of others, that I am not.
I recieved this comment today regarding my blog, from someone who constantly builds me up and encourages me to tell my story:
Encouraged.
I can't tell you how many other uplifiting things have come out of people's mouths lately-long before I wrote yesterday's posts. Compliments about how something went that I took on at church, feeling completely inadequate and underqualified. Yet, encouragement flowed my way, literally daily, from fellow church members of how "gifted" they thought I was and what a great job I was doing. Just when I needed it.
Reassured.
A sister whispered a "twisted" comment that she was afraid may come across in a way she didn't intend over a text message, that instead reminded me of just how much she really loves me.
Reminded.
A husband, who by all accounts has every reason to tie me up and lock me in a closet (lol), daily tells me that I am a wonderful mother, an exceptional wife, a gifted leader and more than enough. Who somehow makes me see past the extra 15lbs I am carrying, the pale skin and damaged hair and makes me believe I am beautiful. A husband who by my standards is perfect, and yet doesn't feel he deserves me. Really, folks. (he is CUH-RAZY)
LOVED.
Mothers of children in my class at church posting on facebook and through text messages how much they appreciate the love I pour into their children.
Uplifted.
My own parents, all four of them, and the proud smiles they wear when they look at me. The love and support the offer me. The reassurance that they think I am wonderful. The encouraging words offered at just the right time.
Guided.
A close co-worker telling me that she doesn't think there is an ounce of ugly in me, and that she never knew me to say or do anything but kind and loving things to others. (she sure isn't in my head, is she now???)
Another co-worker telling me that I just make her smile because I am so full of joy and always wearing a smile.
Accountability.
My own sweet Walker, telling me I am his most favorite person in the world and that I am the best mommy and he loves me so much.
Completion.
Encouraged. Reassured. Reminded. Uplifted. Guided. Accountability. Completion.
These people are the mouths that God uses to remind me of who He says I am. There is a quote that says we feel insecure because we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else's highlight reels. I believe that's so true. So, so true. The more I share about my (usually short lived) bouts of insecure thoughts running my mind, the more I realize most women are just like me. (yikes!)
I don't always believe in the things I shared above, or the other things said to me that I didn't include. I sometimes know that my heart isn't living out what's being seen on the surface. But I know that God sends encouragement my way just when I need it, because he knows my every need. He is so good. Today I am thankful for that.
"Therefore encourage one another daily, as long as it is called today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness." Hebrews 3:13
I noticed earlier tonight as I was ready back over some blog entries from the past year, that I was in almost the exact same place with my thought process at this exact time last year, and that God was doing almost the exact same work in my life then as He is now. Don't remember? Click on this post from January 1, 2012 and this post from December 13, 2011.
Funny how things can come full circle, because I certainly didn't spend my entire year beating myself up. In fact, this has been an exceptionally good year- a year of growth an opportunity for me. But with the easy, sometimes comes the hard. I find it interesting at the end of last year I was feeling some of the same things about myself as I was near the end of 2012.
What I am learning is that I am my own worst critic. And more than that, the things I sometimes feel about myself aren't true. At all. A dirty house doesn't make me a bad mom any more than putting on a black and white bathing suit when I am overweight makes me a fat zebra. But when my head tells me I am a fat zebra (figuratively speaking of course), God reminds me through His word, and the words of others, that I am not.
I recieved this comment today regarding my blog, from someone who constantly builds me up and encourages me to tell my story:
"Wow....absolutely wonderful Nicole. I love how God is working in your life
and how you see it, hear it and share it. You are honest and pure. I am so
thankful God has allowed me to have a front row seat in your beautiful life.
I loved this and look forward to reading more. This was one of my favorite
things you said: "God loves me. I will never understand his love, but if I
choose to follow him I must choose to believe he can love all my ugly." So true
:)" Encouraged.
I can't tell you how many other uplifiting things have come out of people's mouths lately-long before I wrote yesterday's posts. Compliments about how something went that I took on at church, feeling completely inadequate and underqualified. Yet, encouragement flowed my way, literally daily, from fellow church members of how "gifted" they thought I was and what a great job I was doing. Just when I needed it.
Reassured.
A sister whispered a "twisted" comment that she was afraid may come across in a way she didn't intend over a text message, that instead reminded me of just how much she really loves me.
Reminded.
A husband, who by all accounts has every reason to tie me up and lock me in a closet (lol), daily tells me that I am a wonderful mother, an exceptional wife, a gifted leader and more than enough. Who somehow makes me see past the extra 15lbs I am carrying, the pale skin and damaged hair and makes me believe I am beautiful. A husband who by my standards is perfect, and yet doesn't feel he deserves me. Really, folks. (he is CUH-RAZY)
LOVED.
Mothers of children in my class at church posting on facebook and through text messages how much they appreciate the love I pour into their children.
Uplifted.
My own parents, all four of them, and the proud smiles they wear when they look at me. The love and support the offer me. The reassurance that they think I am wonderful. The encouraging words offered at just the right time.
Guided.
A close co-worker telling me that she doesn't think there is an ounce of ugly in me, and that she never knew me to say or do anything but kind and loving things to others. (she sure isn't in my head, is she now???)
Another co-worker telling me that I just make her smile because I am so full of joy and always wearing a smile.
Accountability.
My own sweet Walker, telling me I am his most favorite person in the world and that I am the best mommy and he loves me so much.
Completion.
Encouraged. Reassured. Reminded. Uplifted. Guided. Accountability. Completion.
These people are the mouths that God uses to remind me of who He says I am. There is a quote that says we feel insecure because we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else's highlight reels. I believe that's so true. So, so true. The more I share about my (usually short lived) bouts of insecure thoughts running my mind, the more I realize most women are just like me. (yikes!)
I don't always believe in the things I shared above, or the other things said to me that I didn't include. I sometimes know that my heart isn't living out what's being seen on the surface. But I know that God sends encouragement my way just when I need it, because he knows my every need. He is so good. Today I am thankful for that.
"Therefore encourage one another daily, as long as it is called today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness." Hebrews 3:13
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