Hey Moms, let’s agree...

There’s something that’s been on my heart and mind a bit lately, and I think surely it’s not just me that is bothered by this. I believe at the core, we all truly want to offer love and support to one another, but we so easily fall into the habit of criticizing things that we don’t understand, or ways that are different than the way we choose. Specifically, I’m talking about “momming” right now-you know, the act of mothering, in case my slang isn’t clear to you. :)

With the rise of social media over the last couple of decades, there are so many vessels of awareness that weren’t available to the generations that came before. I’m sure momming had its own set of struggles then, but I’m not certain any generation prior to the one raising kids in the age of technology and social media experienced the pressures and opinions  quite like we do. It’s nothing to scroll Facebook and see articles posted about the “right” way to raise your children. Topics such as breast or bottle, which is best? Epidural or natural, who is the stronger mom? Homeschool, private school, public school...gasp. (Sidenote: My children always have been, and will continue to be products of public school education).  Should my kid be on a travel team, or is Rec ball best?  Sports or theater? Whether or not to allow supervised You Tube, which videos games they should play and how long they should be allowed to do so. Should they have a phone, or not? Social media?  Coke to drink on special occasions. Spankings? Time out?  Do they have to eat what’s served, or can they have the option to make a sandwich for themselves if they don’t like mom’s dinner?  It’s easy to wonder if you’re doing it right. 

It’s never-ending. And people have an opinion on everything. Those who came before us, offer well-intentioned, wise advice. But also, they didn’t raise children in the era we are today.  Things are different in many ways, and very much the same in others.  Those who have yet to birth children, they are the perfect parents. Their children would never... (don’t say you didn’t ever think that at one point or another, we are all guilty...and those of us who have become parents now know how wrong we were!) Those who are in the trenches are desperately trying to figure it all out, praying that they aren’t totally screwing up their kids.

The point is, opinions on the right way to do this mom thing are everywhere. And it’s so easy to get caught up in them and begin to doubt ourselves and our ability to parent well. I’ve gotten caught  up in that mess and hung out in it a bit. I’ve allowed comments that people have made to affect my confidence in my high calling to be mom. On both ends of the spectrum, and depending on who is doing the talking, I swing on either end of the pendulum. Laid back mom in some ways and looming helicopter in others. 

But here’s the thing. This is my truth and it’s also yours. Long before either of my boys ever were born into this world, God chose me, out of all of the people in the world, to be their mom. He chose me because he knew that I would know their heart, their tendencies, and their needs better than anyone else. He knew that out of every other woman in the entire world, I was the absolute best fit for them. He knew that when it came to shepherding their hearts and guiding them in love, growing them in truth, I was the one they needed. The one who was the best fit for them. Thats huge, y’all.  And because of this, because my truth is that God chose me for this honor, I can rest in knowing that when I have prayed faithfully about any and every decision involving them, which I do, that despite what criticism or opinion may be thrown my way, I can rest, knowing that with the Lord as my guide I am doing the very best I can for my babies. And so are you. He chose you for your babies, because you were exactly what they needed. 

Sometimes, I think on this. My oldest child talks to me about everything. Everything. Some things I wish he’d talk to his dad about, honestly! (Ha!). I am his number one go-to. He doesn’t hold anything back from me and there’s an avenue of honesty between he and I. I’m his safe place, a place where anything can be spoken. He is comfortable sharing with me how he feels, even when it’s me who made him feel that way. My youngest, when he sees me in the hall at school, it’s like he hasn’t  seen me in 5 years. There’s no doubt that he loves me more than anyone on this planet. I’m the place his fears, insecurities and emotions come unraveled. I’m his person. He trusts me and finds such security in me. He’s yet to figure out just how frail & weak his mama is, but when he’s with me, all of his worries disperse. He tells me when he’s embarrassed, when he wants no one else to know. I’m sure it’s the same for you and your babies. But, the special relationship we share is enough to remind me that even in those moments when I feel like I’ve gotten it all wrong, or I get caught up in the way others may do things, that I’m doing something right. And it’s only by the grace of God, and His guidance that we’ve made it this far. My relationship with my babies is a special reminder from Him that I am CHOSEN. 

Knowing this, how can we continue to hold such judgment over one another? Aren’t we all just doing the best we can?  If God has blessed you with children, or if He does so in the future, it’s because He’s called you out. You are his chosen person. The very one your little human needs. Stop doubting yourself. Don’t beat yourself up over set backs, trust that the One who brought you into this role of mom, will bring you through it. And stop listening to everyone else. Let God’s voice be the loudest one in your ear. 

At the end of the day, does it really matter if your kid had ice cream & French fries for dinner on a chaotic Tuesday night while Sally down the street fed her little angels purely organic?  Absolutely not.  That’s great for Sally, really it is. But hey, your kid had ice cream & French fries, which means they didn’t go to bed hungry and that’s pretty awesome too. 

Mamas, can we agree on one thing, when there are so many other things to disagree on? Can we agree that we ALL love our kids and want the very best for them. And while there may be a million different ways to parent and raise children, at the end of the day, what we do is what is right for our own families. Let’s applaud one another for making the choices we make, instead of sitting around the lunch table at work gossiping about the mom who allows this or doesn’t allow that. That’s helpful to no one, and it’s downright discouraging to everyone involved.  The enemy jumps on that mess faster than you can blink and uses it to create division in a group called to be unified. Don’t let him do that. Do give him that foothold. Don’t be a part of that mess! 


Let’s build one another up. Let’s break the mold. Let’s offer support and encouragement in a world that is constantly reminding us of all the ways we aren’t enough.  

“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as in fact you are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11

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