Splash the Puddles

My boys cannot resist a mud puddle. They simply cannot. What appears yucky and dirty to me is an open invitation to jump, frolic, splash and have the time of their lives to them. They take what seems to me like a mess, a mere a disaster waiting to happen, and turn it into an exhilarating, life giving experience. They splash. That's not so different than what God does for us when we are found in the muddy places of life. He takes that mud, that "yuck" and that dirty and he splashes in it, providing us with His love, mercy, and grace. He gives us am exhilarating and life giving experience, when all we could see was mud. This is a somewhat new venture for me. I've always loved to write, and I have always written. I don't however consider myself to be an award winning author. Yet. (Ha! That's a joke!). There will most definitely be grammar errors here. I have also been known to use a word to two incorrectly...and I'm wordy. I just am. I honestly have grown

(Originally posted February 22, 2013) We just returned from a wonderful fun filled cruise to the Bahamas with my mom, stepdad, brothers, Ashley (Josh's girlfriend) and my stepdad's parents. We had an absolute blast! Considering the weather was less than ideal the first two days, the pools and slides remained closed on those days, and it was entirely too cold and windy to venture to the top deck to play putt putt (though we DID try) we had a little boy on our hands who was quite a trooper. His behavior (for the very most part) was superb. He sat through long sit down dinners from 8:15 to sometimes close to 10:30 at night joyfully and was extremely pleasant. There were shows we attended that he was less than interested in, but he endured with minimal :) complaining. There was also lots of water slide fun, putt putt playing and ping pong challenges once the weather warmed up and the winds died down on our second full day. Despite almost perfect behavioral conditi

(Originally posted February 11, 2013) I was driving my two boys to watch their Daddy play basketball with our church team recently, and we passed a spot that we have passed several times in Walker's life. It's not a place we pass often now. As we drove past, I shared with him about how I was involved in a wreck in that place several years before his Dad and I were married. I was riding with someone else and a deer ran out in front of us on this country road. The driver of the vehicle did what came naturally to him, and in a panic, swerved to miss the deer. I am unsure of the details that unfolded next. All I know is the car was soon spinning out of control. All I could make sense of were the browns, greens and camouflage of the trees, bushes and night that lie before us. I don't know how many times we spun. One too many in my opinion. My first response was fear. I was terrified. I knew that any minute the car would flip, because I knew the path well-the deep d

(Originally posted on February 5, 2013) This post was originally written back in July. I just stumbled upon it, and realized I never posted it. So, I finished the last two paragraphs and am posting now. :) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I was challenged this week by a question "What sort of characteristics attract you to a person?" These weren't the physical characteristics, but rather the attributes of personality the questioner was asking for. As I contemplated my answers, I created quite a list. Good listener, helpful, offers good and Godly advice, encouraging, compassionate, caring, genuine, warm-hearted, fun to be around, etc... My list went on. But days later, as I pondered my list it struck me that the first four items on my list were characteristics that no doubt satisfied something within me, rather than just being parts of who a person is. And as I thought further I wondered how many people, if any, would even see those attributes in me? Then my h

(Originally posted February 4, 2013) A rare and special bond exists between our family and another family. We have, in the short few years that we have known one another, become family. We have shared a lifetime worth of memories compounded into just a few years, and built a foundation of friendship, trust, loyalty, accountability, and dependency with this family that makes it seem as if we have been friends for as long as we have been alive. We’ve watched as God provided both families with one another, right when we each needed it, and have stood amazed as He’s grown the relationships into a safe place, where we are free to be ourselves, share our struggles, grow together, repent together, love together, lean on one another, be completely comfortable, open and honest with one another. These are the types of friends that know before we say, and we know before they say. We fully know one another, by human standards. We just click so naturally. There exists not one ounce of

(Originally posted January 28, 2013) I'm not sure I can truly catch you up on everything. There's so much that I have "lived" that's difficult to put into words, and unfortunately (though probably fortunately for you), not each of you can be here to live it with me and walk with me through it. But, I can tell you that I am in a new place...a place where I can say with 100% certaintly that the major struggles of my life are being removed from me, and I have been released from strong holds that have held me my entire life. I am experiencing an emotional healing that can only be accomplished through Jesus Christ. Battles with insecurity in almost every area of my life, have been all-consuming to me at times. They have been painful and tough. They have held me back and caused me to doubt who God says I am. Insecurities in my appearance in my younger years, leading to developing a minor eating disorder and extremely unhealthy view of myself, insecurities i

(Originally posted January 4, 2013) I noticed earlier tonight as I was ready back over some blog entries from the past year, that I was in almost the exact same place with my thought process at this exact time last year, and that God was doing almost the exact same work in my life then as He is now. Don't remember? Click on this post from January 1, 2012 and this post from December 13, 2011 . Funny how things can come full circle, because I certainly didn't spend my entire year beating myself up. In fact, this has been an exceptionally good year- a year of growth an opportunity for me. But with the easy, sometimes comes the hard. I find it interesting at the end of last year I was feeling some of the same things about myself as I was near the end of 2012. What I am learning is that I am my own worst critic. And more than that, the things I sometimes feel about myself aren't true. At all. A dirty house doesn't make me a bad mom any more than putt

(Originally posted January 3, 2013) (dear reader: this is long. this is your warning. please read it anyway-and read it all the way through. my tired fingers, i feel certain are crippled by carpal tunnel, thank you) "I just don't feel like I am good enough. Not good enough at being a mom, at keeping my house up, at being a friend, at serving God...I just don't feel like I am doing a very good job...I just don't like myself very much right now" I confessed as I sat at my kitchen table with three women very dear to me as I broke into tears held back too long after sending my oldest child to his room for once again not minding me. Whatever he did in that moment wasn't a huge deal, but the build up behind it was. It was enough to confirm in my head, again, that I am not good enough-not good enough to raise a child who respects me, not good enough to deserve this incredible man God has given me (who constantly wraps his arms around me in loving sup

(Originally posted August 30, 2012) I decided that today would be a good day to hit up McDonalds for dinner. Cliff was going to be late getting home and well, we had no food in the house. I certainly didn't have it in me to trudge into the grocery store with one on my hip and one begging incessantly for cosmic brownies and iced sugar cookies, just to find some quick and unhealthy meal to shove in their mouths. Why do all that when you can find quick and unhealthy at one of the 50 gazillion McDonalds we now have in our town? Plus, we made it to payday tomorrow without running out of money. That definitely warrants a celebration at McDonalds if you ask me. One of our newly remodeled McDonalds has an awesome playplace that accomodates both of my boys well. It accomodates me well too, as I can sit and watch them play and feel like they are both safe without having to be right under Will the entire time trying to avoid a busted lip, broken arm, or the likes. That&

(Originally posted March 19, 2012) Isn't there ugly in us all? I am reminded of that through life's circumstances so often. And then I am reminded of God's mercy and grace. I am learning to be so thankful for the hard times because they develop in me a hunger and thirst for the things of God and for a closer walk with God...and sometimes even a hunger and thirst for my child to know just how much God loves him. Well, sometimes is putting it lightly. I am going to warn you. This isn't a picture most moms would put on their blog, or much less show anyone. But this is just who I am. I don't see any reason to hide the reality. Our actions don't define us, and this instance doesn't define Walker. It is what it is. I texted it to a few "privileged" ones yesterday and really appreciated and enjoyed the feedback I got from those people. But, what I benefited from most was the time I spent in prayer for our sweet Walker this aft

(Originally posted January 1, 2012) By nature, I am a follower. I was born into this world a follower, have made so many choices in my life based on my desire to follow and be accepted, both good and bad, made the life-changing decision to follow Jesus when I was younger, I follow directions to recipes hoping that the magical chef fairy will grant me success, I follow my GPS when I haven't a clue where I am going, I follow you. I follow her. I follow him. By nature, most of us are followers. Many don't want to admit they are followers, but they are. I for one, have no problem confessing that I am just a plain ole' copy cat. And a good one at that! I am slap out of good ideas of my own, in fact I've rarely had them. Rather have relied on the good ideas of others, to be adapted and molded into good ideas for me. But, I'd venture to assume that with the exception of the few of you who possess the flair for creativity, you are a follower to

(Originally posted December 13, 2011) It's funny how others sometimes see you differently than you see yourself. I've thought about this a lot lately, as I've been called things like "the strong one..." "the cutest little thing..." "always so happy and wearing a smile..." Sometimes the version of me that is reality is so far off from the version of me that I desire to be. Alright, not sometimes...a lot of times. More often than I would like to admit. Today, I had a moment. My first "moment" in a while, I'd say. One thing after another went less than ideally at school...none of them big deals, but still "deals..." and none of them directly related to other people, or myself. Technology. Field trip plans. Lack.Of.Sleep. As I walked off from my two teacher friends that I wound up throwing my arms up in the air with and saying "I can't take another thing today...I am tired . My child won't

(Originally posted August 7, 2011) A few weekends ago, our church had a baptism in the pool of one of our church members and good friends. We've swam there many times, but this particular day I watched a close friend charter the waters of baptism and be made new in Christ. What an incredible blessing. Later, after a few more baptisms we enjoyed a great afternoon of fellowship with one another-in the pool and on the largest man made "slip-n-slide" I have ever seen. As the crowd started slimming, I checked my watch and realized it was about time to go pick up Will from Cliff's mom's house. Not wanting to interrupt the fun that my boys were having in the pool together, I hollered to Cliff (as he and Tory chunked Walker into the deep end) that I was going to get Will and I'd come back for them. Off I went... Several weeks back, our friends' pool sprung a leak. Water fills most of the pool still, but it's shallow enough where Walker can easil

(Originally posted March 4, 2011) Then Jesus said, "Come to me all you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28 NLT It has occurred to me this week just how tired and overwhelmed I have been lately. I have, at times, felt like an extremely unrecognizable version of myself the past few weeks. Something has been missing, something hasn't been right. (and it's been more than just my low hemoglobin levels!) The past few days, since Wednesday night really, I've realized that I haven't been doing what God asks me to when He tells me to COME to HIM. I've been so overwhelmed with all the "something elses" I've been getting every time I walk through the doors of one of my two doctors I am seeing this pregnancy, as well as just worn out from trying to play the role of wife, mommy, teacher, friend, daughter, sister, etc... Sadly, the first thing to slip was my prayer time and my Bible reading time. But

(Originally posted February 3, 2010) God is doing some amazing work in my life right now...I feel like I am "living" again for the very first time in a very long time. I feel like He's giving me a new understanding of who He is in my life and of just how much He loves me. I am seeing things through fresh vision in a way that I've never seen them before, and it is rocking my world. I am learning that there is a void in my life that can ONLY be satisfied with a hunger and thrist for God that causes me to seek after Him with everything that I am...and when that runs out, because it will, with everything that HE is. I am learning that my whole reason for being in this world is to bring God glory-not to be liked by friends, not to be a great mom, not to make my husband melt at the mere glance of me (though those things are good and important), first I am here to bring God glory. And I think that when we finally surrender to the truth that we are THAT importa

(Originally posted March 19, 2007) I was reminded tonight of where we've been. I think that's such a blessing from God to be able to revisit your times of testing and times of pain and recognize the fresh work He's done in our lives. Through studying about Abraham and Sarah this week God took me on a journey back to the loss of our first child. This was through Genesis 21 when Sarah instructed Abraham to send off her maidservant and the child that Abraham fathered with her, Ishmael. Abraham loved this child but God told him to do as Sarah said because He was in control. (my paraphrase) Eventually, Hagar (the maidservant) and Ishmael ran out of water and Hagar placed him under a bush and went away a short distance so she didn't have to watch him die. The Lord heard her sobbing and came to her. Very likely she was crying out a prayer that her deep grief wouldn't allow her mouth to echo but the incredible thing about that is that God knew exactly what she

(Originally posted November 3, 2006) So much has changed in my life in the past month. There are a few things that I am realizing lately will always be the same or will change/grow in a positive manner. One of those is my husband's love for me and his never ending compassion and understanding. Another is my relationship with a few specific friends and how no matter what life throws our way or where we go/what we go through they will always be there for me, each playing their own very special role. Still another, the tremendous amount of family support that we have from Cliff's parents, my mom's family, my dad's family, our aunts, uncles, cousins, and siblings. These people have supplied us so so much love and support over the past month. Most importantly, the way that the Lord always cradles His children securely in His arms and holds on for dear life, even when the child barely has the strength to wrap her arms back around Him. For the first time in my sp