A follow up...

It's been on my mind today, this paragraph I wrote in my blog post last night...

"Taking the Lord's name in vain is not something that comes natural to me. It's just not something I practice. 
Some may read this and think I'm being ridiculous-"it's just an expression, a saying" they may argue. I disagree."

It's not often I publish before being fully confident I have said what I intended to say, and last night wasn't an exception necessarily...this is just a follow up. My thoughts were moving faster than my fingers (which I am convinced are affected by carpal tunnel) and I didn't finish my point. 

When I say it isn't a struggle, I don't mean I never use the term. I also don't mean I never have typed OMG in a text. I surely have. Just today, in my classroom, I caught myself utter "Lord..." under my breath in frustration at someone not listening to me. When I say it's not a struggle, I mean it doesn't consume me. It's not an area that is a constant battle for me. It's not a temptation that I have to fight too often like other areas of my life.  There are so many of those, a few that had me wrapped in strongholds for most of my life until the past year or so Have I used those words? Yes. Do I intend to? No.  Am I ok with them being commonplace? No. I just want to be as transparent here as I can be. I have nothing to hide. 

But in recognizing my own my own tendency today, to so quickly resort to "Lord" as a means of expressing frustration to my own self, I proved my point. When I drop my guard, when I don't intentionally focus my thoughts and minds on Jesus, I become distracted. The little distractions in my life lead to the vulnerability to let things slide, to lower my standards a little more, to excuse and bury issues in my OWN heart that need attention. 

Through my writing of the previous post, I wanted to share just a little of what God was showing me about my own life...what He was teaching me through my innocent son's life. 

When I write, I write to myself, FOR myself. I write so that one day I can look back and see God's faithfulness if maybe I'm struggling to believe it. So that I can look back and remember His providence if I am struggling to feel it. I write what He speaks to ME, for ME. 

Before I began this public blog, God walked me through a period of ministering to others who shared some of my hidden struggles that I felt God was calling me to bring to light. Struggles people don't necessarily love to share. But as I shared, something miraculous happened. Amidst the pain and often humbling moments, came healing. In myself and in others. Friendships were formed. Bonds we made. People realized they weren't alone. Emotional healing occurred. And through my muddy places, and theirs, God was glorified. 

And so I have felt the burden, so strongly since then to continue to share. So that I can live out what I have found to be true, in 1 Corinthians 1:3-4, that I can comfort others who are troubled with the comfort that God poured out on me in my troubles. 

Hear my heart-THIS is why I share. I share to encourage and remind myself, I share because I love to write, and I share because I love you. Not to condemn. Not to say I am better. I'm not writing to you, I'm writing to me.  I believe every difficult  situation I face, God brings good from. I can't help but spread His goodness in any way that I can. 

This is my heart, laid out on the pages of this blog. A heart being pruned and fine tuned to hopefully grow more and more like His. 

Thankful for His comfort tonight....
Nicole 

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