CFA Cookies = SATISFACTION (don't they?)
Cravings. We all have them. What do you crave? I weighed today for the first time in a week hoping to see some progress from all my calorie counting and daily exercising I’ve been doing. There was progress alright. Just not in the downward direction.
I felt instant frustration. I climbed into the shower feeling defeated. I’ve been working so hard! I’ve felt good about myself and my choices. Interestingly enough, I didn’t feel fat. Just defeated. I wanted the satisfaction of seeing progress on the scale. Boy was I disappointed. My dominating thought throughout the morning was, “When I get to work I am just going to eat that cookies-n-cream pop tart that’s been sitting in my desk drawer that I’ve resisted the last three weeks. What’s the point, anyway?”
It’s funny how God starts working in your heart in an area that you don’t even know needs work before you even realize what He’s doing. I’m currently in a Bible study called “Made to Crave.” As I have read through the daily devotions this week, I’ve thought many times, “this may not be something I really need at the moment…” Sure, I like to eat. I have a few extra pounds on me, and I sometimes give in to unhealthy cravings. But, I don’t really have a food problem.
The author of my study shares the story of the rich young man from Matthew 19 in the Bible. The rich young man comes to visit Jesus and begins to share his heart. Though he follows all of the rules of his faith, something still lacks. I admire this rich young man for fessing up to that. In an honest attempt to just satisfy this craving he can’t identify, he asks Jesus, “All of the rules I have kept. What do I still lack?” (verse 20)
Such a honest, heart driven question. She shares that, in other words, he is asking “How do I get really close to God?”
Listen to Jesus’ reply. “If you want to be perfect, go sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” (vs. 21)
Do you know what happens next? The rich young man walks away saddened because he simply doesn’t want to give up the one thing that satisfies him, that matters the most to him. Money.
I’ve read this passage many times in my life and heaved a sigh of relief that this one does not apply to me. I am not rich. Whew. But, I’m learning that the point of this scripture isn’t that the man is rich. The underlying message of the passage is that until we are willing to surrender that which is most important to us, anything that consume us more than we allow God to, we can never be fully satisfied. So we search. We follow the rules and we wonder why we feel that empty spot deep down at times.
The passage is about so much more than a man with a lot of money. It’s about all of us who love the abundance of what we have and hold any one thing above God-anything at all. Food. Social Media. Relationships. Friendships. Children. Status. We want the satisfaction, but continue to elevate the very things that interfere with complete intimacy with God. We want the results, but don’t want to give up that which holds us back.
A lot of days, food isn’t my biggest struggle. I would even go as far as to say that food doesn’t control me, and I don’t think I have a pathological problem of holding food at a higher place than God. But times like this morning, when my immediate, unfiltered thoughts go directly eating a cookies-n-cream Poptart rather than seeking out God with my frustration, food becomes my struggle. I was unsatisfied with my situation and I sought out food as my answer. My revenge. How often I do this. I have a rough day at work, I want El Charro. I survived the grocery store with my children, I NEED a chocolate chip cookie and Diet Dr. Pepper from CFA . I got out of bed today. I deserve a frappe. In the moment, those things do seem good. So good. But ultimately, they do not satisfy.
(email starts) “ I'm trying not to be really discouraged. I know the scale is just a number. But truth be told, I don't want to give up more than what I'm already giving up. I don't want to not eat white stuff and cut back on my sugar, etc. I just want to count my calories, exercise and drop tons of weight like I did before. (just.last.year.)
But, I know that God has me in this Made to Crave study for a reason-even though at times I read it and don't feel that my struggle is "food" necessarily...maybe it is more than I realize. I definitely don't want to replace my desire to cave into that CFA cookie with prayer. But, if that's what God wants, then that's what I want my desire to be as well. I'm a work in progress-who knew He'd start chipping away at this area.
All I wanted to do with my frustration this morning was come in here and eat that cookies n cream pop tart that's been sitting in my desk drawer. That's a problem. That's where I went with my frustration and that's EXACTLY what this study is about. I wanted to satisfy that frustration with food, not God.” (end of email)
And so I find myself, in the likeness of the rich young man. I’m praying for a strong desire to surrender to God any of the things I crave more than Him at times. (food isn’t the only thing)
I’m a work in progress. I’m excited to see what He does here!
As for that Poptart, I didn’t eat it. It’s still in my desk. One day I will, and that will be ok. But today was not the right day for that. Today, I needed to pray my way past that Poptart and that’s exactly what I did.
And bless my sweet husband, who has always builds me up. His response to my email: “I love you. I look forward to seeing what God is going to teach you through this study. He will shape you (no pun intended) into what he wants you to look like. I love whatever that is. I'm with Walker...The scale may not say it but you do look smaller.”
God created us with cravings. There’s a reason our cravings aren’t ever fully satisfied by our indulgences-He created us with an inner craving for something that can only fully be satisfied with an intimate relationship with Him. It doesn’t matter how fabulous that dessert tastes, how precious your children are, how satisfying your marriage is, how encouraging your friends are, how many likes your quirky Facebook status receives, none of that can truly satisfy the depths of your soul that were designed to crave intimacy fulfilled by God alone. Only God can “shape us into what He wants us to look like.” (to steal my husbands words…)
"Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst." John 4:13-14
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