Driven
"Lord help me to pray..."
Those words I uttered just a week or so ago, an attempt to reacquaint myself with a blessing of being a follower of Jesus that I so love. Prayer.
I believe in the power of prayer because I've seen God work as a result of it. I've seen Him move mountains and make the impossible happen. I've seen Him heal, restore, provide and close doors through prayer. I've seen Him bring my faith and the faith of others to life, as a result of honest and unrestrained conversation with Him. I also believe in the importance and necessity of Christians praying to bring glory to the Lord.
I've felt a disconnect lately, and I realized recently that at some point I'd begun to pray less. Sure, I still had my scheduled prayer times. Mealtimes, bedtimes, church times, frustrated times, fearful times. But, somewhere along the way, and I'm not even sure when, my habit of constantly conversing with Him all throughout my day about this and that began to waver. I've felt a bit like something's missing lately inside me, like something had been taken from me. I wasn't sure what it was at first, but I knew one thing-I wanted it back.
For me, the real "good stuff" and growth in my relationship with God doesn't always occur during the scheduled or expected times of prayer, but rather in the comings and goings of daily life. In the prayer offered up when I am about to lose my cool on a room full of fifth graders, or in the prayer of repentance when my heart felt jealously or envy at someone's bigger and nicer home or larger bank account. The prayer whispered in sadness when I feel left behind or forgotten by a friend. The prayer of desperation, when I feel myself wanting to take one step backward into that sin I left behind so long ago, or the prayer asking God for a reminder of who I am in Him when my thoughts begin to wander back to a time in my life when I did something I wasn't proud of, many times over. This happened recently, and I think this is what got my attention. I spent a few days, tossing around thoughts in my head about a time when I allowed desperation of being loved and accepted to provoke me to make choices that weren't best and that deceived others and brought pain and insecurity into my own life. How could I have ever been that person? What if people know what I did, and I just don't know they know? Destructive thoughts I haven't felt in ages, and knew I shouldn't be feeling then, ones I didn't even believe myself-yet entertained. And that's when I knew-Lord I need you more. "Lord, help me to pray..."
When I say that, I mean that I want prayer to flow so effortlessly from my heart that I feel like I'm talking to my very best friend without missing a beat. I want to bask in those moments when I don't even really realize I'm praying until I'm done because it's so a part of me, that it just comes that naturally. I've been there-and not too very long ago. I'm on my way back now.
Funny, when you begin to ask God (in prayer, no less) to help you pray, He gives you all sorts of opportunities to pray. I sought some accountability for this area of my life, and I know there are a few people I love praying for me daily to grow in my prayer life. I have had opportunities to pray for those around me who have needs in one form or another, for children I don't know but see posts about on Facebook going through difficult times, for frustrations I have towards another person on this Earth, opportunities to pray corporately with members of my church family for our church and other things, many chances to pray in my classroom this week for patience with those precious faces, God's even allowed a frustration or two with another person and an insecurity or two to creep in so that I could pray for those areas of my own life as well. I'm relishing in this time now because I know that when God's people call out to him in expectation, He answers. And when the desire of our heart is to grow closer to Him and stronger in our faith, He explodes that within us. I'm anticipating a revival and I know my God is faithful to complete this work in me.
I read this tonight, by Jim Cymbala. "Prayer cannot be truly taught by principals and seminars and symposiums. It has to be born out of a whole environment of felt need. If I say, "I ought to pray," I will soon run out of motivation and quit; the flesh is too strong. I have to be driven to pray."
A new prayer I pray tonight, Lord, drive me to pray.
Drive
Those words I uttered just a week or so ago, an attempt to reacquaint myself with a blessing of being a follower of Jesus that I so love. Prayer.
I believe in the power of prayer because I've seen God work as a result of it. I've seen Him move mountains and make the impossible happen. I've seen Him heal, restore, provide and close doors through prayer. I've seen Him bring my faith and the faith of others to life, as a result of honest and unrestrained conversation with Him. I also believe in the importance and necessity of Christians praying to bring glory to the Lord.
I've felt a disconnect lately, and I realized recently that at some point I'd begun to pray less. Sure, I still had my scheduled prayer times. Mealtimes, bedtimes, church times, frustrated times, fearful times. But, somewhere along the way, and I'm not even sure when, my habit of constantly conversing with Him all throughout my day about this and that began to waver. I've felt a bit like something's missing lately inside me, like something had been taken from me. I wasn't sure what it was at first, but I knew one thing-I wanted it back.
For me, the real "good stuff" and growth in my relationship with God doesn't always occur during the scheduled or expected times of prayer, but rather in the comings and goings of daily life. In the prayer offered up when I am about to lose my cool on a room full of fifth graders, or in the prayer of repentance when my heart felt jealously or envy at someone's bigger and nicer home or larger bank account. The prayer whispered in sadness when I feel left behind or forgotten by a friend. The prayer of desperation, when I feel myself wanting to take one step backward into that sin I left behind so long ago, or the prayer asking God for a reminder of who I am in Him when my thoughts begin to wander back to a time in my life when I did something I wasn't proud of, many times over. This happened recently, and I think this is what got my attention. I spent a few days, tossing around thoughts in my head about a time when I allowed desperation of being loved and accepted to provoke me to make choices that weren't best and that deceived others and brought pain and insecurity into my own life. How could I have ever been that person? What if people know what I did, and I just don't know they know? Destructive thoughts I haven't felt in ages, and knew I shouldn't be feeling then, ones I didn't even believe myself-yet entertained. And that's when I knew-Lord I need you more. "Lord, help me to pray..."
When I say that, I mean that I want prayer to flow so effortlessly from my heart that I feel like I'm talking to my very best friend without missing a beat. I want to bask in those moments when I don't even really realize I'm praying until I'm done because it's so a part of me, that it just comes that naturally. I've been there-and not too very long ago. I'm on my way back now.
Funny, when you begin to ask God (in prayer, no less) to help you pray, He gives you all sorts of opportunities to pray. I sought some accountability for this area of my life, and I know there are a few people I love praying for me daily to grow in my prayer life. I have had opportunities to pray for those around me who have needs in one form or another, for children I don't know but see posts about on Facebook going through difficult times, for frustrations I have towards another person on this Earth, opportunities to pray corporately with members of my church family for our church and other things, many chances to pray in my classroom this week for patience with those precious faces, God's even allowed a frustration or two with another person and an insecurity or two to creep in so that I could pray for those areas of my own life as well. I'm relishing in this time now because I know that when God's people call out to him in expectation, He answers. And when the desire of our heart is to grow closer to Him and stronger in our faith, He explodes that within us. I'm anticipating a revival and I know my God is faithful to complete this work in me.
I read this tonight, by Jim Cymbala. "Prayer cannot be truly taught by principals and seminars and symposiums. It has to be born out of a whole environment of felt need. If I say, "I ought to pray," I will soon run out of motivation and quit; the flesh is too strong. I have to be driven to pray."
A new prayer I pray tonight, Lord, drive me to pray.
Drive
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