A New Song

Have you ever been broken before the Lord? I mean truly broken? 

This morning in church, we were singing one of my all time favorite worship songs. It's been a while since we've sang it, and I was excited to hear the  strumming of chords on the guitar, as our new worship leader, Victoria, transitioned into "Forever Reign."  I had no idea what the Lord had in store for me at that moment. 

I've been praying lately for a clean heart. If you've followed my writing for years, you may know this is not the first time I've felt this pressing need to just come clean before God, to allow Him to purify me from the inside out.  (It won't be the last, either) 

I'm in need of a good cleaning, and I've been sitting in my own yuck for a little bit now. 

The chorus to the song came, and I found myself with my arms lifted and voice bellowing, "my heart will sing, no other name..." but just before I could sing the next word, I broke down. "Jesus." The name couldn't come out of my mouth. I felt the familiar lump rise up in my throat, the tears began to flow and in an instant, it was just me and My Savior, alone in a crowded room. "My heart will sing, no other name...Jesus, Jesus..." Oh how I wanted the words to flow, but they could not come. They would not come. It's simply not been the truth, and to sing that aloud to Him, in that moment, would be a false testimony of my heart. 

The truth of the matter is, my heart has been singing all sorts of other names lately. It's been singing fear, failure, frustration and  insecurity. It's been singing along to the tune of aiming to please others and win their approval and favor, to be accepted and admired. The lyrics of my heart have been self elevating and deprecating, simultaneously. Verse after verse has been written by this Jesus girl who puts far too much emphasis on the happenings and concerns of this world. My heart sings songs of anxieties, negativity and the opinions of others. Choruses echo of harsh words spoken in a stress-filled moment, verse after verse of regret, strongholds and misplaced emotions. 

My heart has been in desperate need of a new song. This morning, face to face with my sweet Jesus, I laid it all down. 

In a moment so beautiful and personal, He cleaned my heart, once again. It was as if I felt all dirt and grime dissipate from it. Moments of weakness, ill words spoken, opinions dwelled upon, lapses in good judgment, failed attempts to represent Christ fully, all lifted by a Savior who was willing and wanting to meet with me, just as He found me today, and make me new. He put a new song in my heart. 

Then I was able, with arms stretched high and heart abandoned, to honestly and completely profess "My heart will sing, no other name, Jesus, Jesus..." 

"I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God." ~Psalms 40:1-3