Favor

Will and I share a love for a few of the same songs. One of those songs is "The Only Name" by Big Daddy Weave. 

We love when it comes on the radio and we sing it loudly even when there's no radio around. To Will, it's just a fun and catchy song! I think it's fun and catchy too. But there's more to it for me. 

The song is one artist's attempt to share what they feel it will be like to wake up in Heaven one day. He sings of how there will be only One name that he will proclaim. Jesus. There's a line in particular that just speaks to me so greatly. A part of being face to face with Jesus that I so look forward to. It goes, "Yours will be the only name that matters to me, the only One whose favor I seek, the only name that matters to me."  

Wow. To wake up one day and only seek the favor of Jesus is something I long so deeply for. So deeply. 

As my friends, family or unknown readers, you've picked up on my struggle at times with seeking the favor of others, of wanting others to approve of me. Though I look back to a few years ago and am amazed at the change God has done in my heart on that matter, there are still times when I lose sight of whose favor I am designed for, and desire approval from others. A couple months ago, I went through a short stint with the struggle again and I was reminded once more how desperately I must focus on Jesus in order to fully engage my heart on only seeking His approval. 

We all seek the approval of others to some extent at times. We want our boss to find us capable and hard working. We want our parents to smile in admiration of how we are raising our children and wink in approval with how we maintain our household. We want our friends and family members to not find fault in how we spend our money, what sort of home we live in, how we handle our children, etc. We wonder what those loading children into our cars in car rider lines think about the crumbs and stains on our floor mats, or the leaking cups and paper bags leftover from meals on the go. (I don't do car pool and my car is spotless (ha!) so clearly not all of these are about me, per say. Generic examples. In general, most of us just care to some extent about the image we portray. 

We are human. We are flawed. We are all normal. 

But, we all have a thorn. Something that flares up in us from time to time, or perhaps something that is constantly with us. An addiction, a physical disability, a struggle with mental illness, a deep rooted insecurity, maybe even a desire to resist the unmatchable grace given to us. Each of us has something within us, in which we find remembrance of why we so desperately need a Savior. I strongly believe God allows these thorns and strong holds in our lives to keep us ever aware of how much we need a Savior. We were not designed for this world, and in us are flaws abundant. 

For me, one of those is seeking the favor of others. Many times in my life I have put more stock into what someone thinks of me than I have what my Jesus says is true about me. 

Likely I will always deal with this, for I know during those times more frequently lately when I'm not struggling with it, it's so easy to not lean on The Lord with such intensity as I do when I am struggling. He knows my heart that's prone to wander, and He knew just what would keep me coming back to His word for more and more.  He designed us like that, and isn't it neat? He knows us so well. Makes me just want more of Him! (I'm sure also part of His plan) 

But, oh how wonderful to know that one day I will wake up, flawless, white as snow, fully satisfied and one with my Lord in His land of glory. And there will be One name that I proclaim. The only one whose favor I seek, the only name that matters to me. 

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. There's just something about that name. 

"I will proclaim the name of The Lord. Oh, praise the greatness of our God!" -Deuteronomy 32:3