A Heart Divided


Have you ever had your heart pulled in different directions? Perhaps a tough decision you've faced, maybe you've struggled balancing your time and energy between split families. Maybe your child faces a difficult obstacle and you're wavering on whether to let them fight their own battle, or stepping in and saving the day. Perhaps controversial issues of today's time leave you wondering which side of the fence you stand on at times, or maybe newer friendships and relationships have distracted you from older ones temporarily. 
Could be that two people you love dearly have come into conflict and you're torn on how to remain loyal and unbiased in both relationships.  Maybe the decision of when to remove the life support is in your hands. You want to hold on, but you have to let go. 

A divided heart is tough. 

My heart has been divided at times on who I will serve. God?  Or myself?  On paper, it seems so obvious. God. I choose God. Yet too often it seems, I find myself exalting other things higher than God. God is still there, He's always in the back of my mind. He lives in my heart. I love Him. I do acts of service for Him, I try my very best to be obedient to Him. I pray. I spend time in His Word. I talk about Him with my children. 

But does my spirit worship Him with an undivided heart?  Sometimes. Not always. 

Time is a delicacy, and my heart is often on the chopping block-a little slivered off here, a little more there. My marriage, children, family, church, activities, friends, service projects, work, social media, housework, my desire to please, my worries...so often my tiny heart is so well-split between all these things, that it's near impossible to honestly profess that I love God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. 

But I know that I want to. 

Sometimes, like now, I find myself on my face with the Lord. Pleading with Him to "Create in me a pure heart and renew a steadfast spirit within me." (Psalm 51:10).

He's faithful. This I know. I'm so glad I can come to Him and say, "Lord my heart is sometimes divided. All of these things that distract me from you are good things, Lord. But YOU Alone are the best thing.  I know, because I have tasted and I have seen that you are GOOD. (Ps 34:8) You satisfy my desires with good things. (Ps 103:5) Only You. So Lord, teach me your way, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart that I may fear your name. (Ps 86:11) 

Isn't it wonderful to know that we can just be real with our sweet Savior? He already knows us so intimately. I believe, just as a mother's heart is filled to capacity when her son snuggles into her lap for comfort, that our Father in Heaven overflows with love and happiness when we come to Him in the same way. 

Is your heart divided today?  It's ok. Come, sit with Him. Ask Him to show you how to love Him with an undivided heart, to purify your spirit. He longs for you. 

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
Psalm 139: 23-24

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Side note: The picture above was a gift from my sister, Angie. It's one of my most  prized possessions, because it was given to me during a time when I was consistently praying that verse over my heart for months on end. She knew. She saw it and knew it had to be mine. It hangs by my front door, as a daily reminder of the importance of seeking God with a pure and undivided heart) 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Growing Pains

One night recently, after he'd been asleep several hours, my baby boy became very restless in his slumber.  After determining he had no fever, but watching him continue to moan, thrash and shudder in his sleep I grew concerned and asked his daddy to come observe for a few moments.  We noticed he was reaching for his legs and squeezing them, while still caught in an uncomfortable state of not being awake, but certainly not fully asleep either. This is when I learned that earlier in the evening, he'd complained of his legs hurting. I'd been out of the house that evening, and daddy had done bedtime without me. Growing pains, we assumed, as this has been a sporadic occurance throughout this little one's life.  Eventually, after some more flailing and when whimpers turned to real cries and tears, he awakened. He was so delirious from his sleep being interrupted so abuptly, that he couldn't effectively answer our questions about what was bothering him. He supplied several
Read more

A New Song

Have you ever been broken before the Lord? I mean truly broken?  This morning in church, we were singing one of my all time favorite worship songs. It's been a while since we've sang it, and I was excited to hear the  strumming of chords on the guitar, as our new worship leader, Victoria, transitioned into "Forever Reign."  I had no idea what the Lord had in store for me at that moment.  I've been praying lately for a clean heart. If you've followed my writing for years, you may know this is not the first time I've felt this pressing need to just come clean before God, to allow Him to purify me from the inside out.  (It won't be the last, either)  I'm in need of a good cleaning, and I've been sitting in my own yuck for a little bit now.  The chorus to the song came, and I found myself with my arms lifted and voice bellowing, "my heart will sing, no other name..." but just before I could sing the next word, I broke down. "Jesus.&q
Read more

A Lesson From My Son

Recently my five year old son overheard an adult he doesn't know say "Oh my God" multiple times in a row in reaction to something going on.  This bothered him. A lot. With confusion and brokenheartedness all over his face, he walked over to me in a soft voice and said "Mommy, that lady keeps saying Oh my God." He had tears in his eyes.  I should mention that we have talked to Walker about why we don't use the Lord's name in vain, and what that means. But the conversations haven't been lengthy, and it hasn't been an issue in our home or family. He hasn't been in trouble or chided by anyone about such usage.  I can't shake the image of his expression when he came to me. A small child, a new member of the family of God. Someone who has just recently recognized his need for a Savior and responded to God's calling to accept Him as his Savior and Lord. Heartbroken over three words uttered from the mouth of a stranger. Words that affected hi
Read more