Boys Become Men

On the way home from the local high school football game tonight, we had some interesting conversation. First, Walker informed me that the worst day of a mother's life is the day her little boys become men and move away. (I'm sure he's right!  How does he know this? I can't even THINK about that day!!). Then he tells me he will probably move out when he's 33 and won't move too far. Will adds in that he will probably just move next door. He will work at the aquarium and be the guy who feeds the sharks. Then he decides, actually, he will move to Mansfield near Poppy & Grammie and when I have family dinner, he will be close enough to still come to it sometimes. I reminded him he WAS family dinner, and he HAD to be there. Always. 

Next Walker decides maybe he will move to Las Vegas and work in a bank, but wants to know if a bank job gives him a lot of time with his family, like Daddy's teaching job does. Alas, he decides he's moving into the neighborhood across the street, so he's not too far and can just come visit us whenever he wants. 

Score. Both within 7 miles of me. I can do this! 

It occurred to me, once they changed the conversation to wondering what kind of criminals they could catch if they were to be officers, that these boys are growing up. So quickly. Time is just zooming by. With the day in, day out of packing lunches, laying out clothes, doing homework, Bible devotion time, playing together, bedtime prayers and snuggles each passing second draws nearer the time that they will spread their wings and leave our nest. 

Already I find myself having to let go and trust God with their lives more and more. They are making more of their own choices. They are away from me more as they've now both entered the school age,  and so much of their day is spent without me overseeing every moment.  I'm having to learn to step back and allow them to face their own giants and even experience their own failures and set backs.  I'm having to show tough love more often, as some of the "normal kid things" beg to be curbed and corrected so they can grow into respectful and respectable young men. 

My desires and plans for them are vast. I see such potential and greatness in the both of them. Such qualities of leadership and at the same time, I know the areas in which they cower. The places they hold back and the masks they hide behind. I see the moments when their humanness limits them from being all I know 

they are. So often I want to coerce them in this way, or guide them in that direction. But I can no longer make all their decisions for them. I no longer hold the power I once had when they were infants. They are becoming their own people, and I can only hope, pray and put my trust in the God who loves them bigger than we do, that things will go well for them.

I pray they choose to shine like stars in a world of darkness, that when they lose hope, they cling to truth. I desire for them to embrace their weaknesses as opportunities to grow, and not feel limited and inadequate because of them. I pray they hear God when He whispers to their hearts, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  and that they "will boast all the more gladly about [their] weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on [them.]

I hope so strongly that their hearts grow more and more desirable to choosing right and good, that they continue to tap in to the compassion they are filled with and that they would love well and passionately. 

As much as it ails me, I cannot control any of those factors. No amount of wishing and persuading on my part can accomplish such a great task. I can only do my very best to "train them up in the way of truth" and trust that as they grow, they won't depart from it.  

Day after day, I find myself seeking a closer and stronger dependence on the Lord in my role as Mommy.  As they grow, and boys become men, I find myself clinging to the One who tells my babies, "For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13