Splash the Puddles

You know, there are moments right after I push publish on a post when my whole body cringes and I wonder why in the world I just bared my soul to the world. Why in sam's name did I feel the need to share all that?  Why?  What if it's misunderstood? What if it gets on someone's nerves? What if people are sick of hearing about mud puddles? Or most recently last night, WHAT if someone thinks my marriage is in trouble, when it isn't, because I shared a "season" we are in where it seems more difficult than before to find one on one time together?!?  What IF??? There are those moments when no immediate feedback comes my way, and I ponder why in the world I subjected myself to the wonderment of whether or not readers think I'm crazy. Insecure. Delusional. Needy. Wordy. Irrational. (In truth, at times, I can be all of those things...) -side note: I don't do this for feedback. That's my insecure side shining through.  Then it happens.  Someone comes to me p...

You ever feel like your life isn't how it's supposed to be?   Just take that in for a minute.  Right now, I feel that way. I'm laying in the bed beside my boys. Together, Cliff and I have worked in this house a good portion of the day.  It's a wreck. And honestly, there isn't much to show for all our hard work today.  Every time we turned around, one of them was pulling out something we had just cleaned up, or creating a new mess for us. I'm not talking a few toys strewed on the floor. That, I can handle. I'm talking mess. The kind I am beginning to believe only my boys can create.  The kind that seems to encompass me. At times it seemed they were doing it on purpose. Maybe they were. But I'm sure they weren't. They were just being kids. And they both helped a good bit today also.  We've had a good day. Don't get me wrong. We've all been together. iPhones have been put aside. We've laughed and had fun. It's just... I'm tired. ...

No one (in their right mind, anyway) really enjoys revisiting past hurts. That makes sense. The rainbow of healing that shines after the pain of a storm in your life leaves you ready to move forward, with a smile on your face and a broken heart mended. That's how it should be. Or so I thought. And still do think. Though recently I have been challenged to revisit a hard place. A time of heartbreak, confusion, anger and darkness for me...a very painful place I resided in the midst of a very exciting and joyful time in my life. I haven't shared on my blog about this storm. In fact, with the exception of my husband and the very few people I let in during this time, no one really knows the extent of what I experienced. Though I am far removed from it , the memories of the feelings I experienced during this time of my life still hurt. Deeply. And most of the time, I simply cannot let my memory go back there. I can't allow my thoughts to wander to some of the things I thought ...

I love when God continues to bring a portion of scripture to my attention frequently over a span of time. There are a few scriptures that He just keeps showing me through my time with Him in His Word, through conversations with friends and family, through prayer and at church lately. I've shared before, that I have a burden to help. I want to be a helpful person, and be remembered as someone who went above and beyond to step up to the call to serve. So many times, I feel I fail at that. The desire is there, but the ability to follow through isn't always. There are so many people in my life who help me so much on a daily basis. I want to be that person. I want to help. Instead I often find myself unable to help, unable to serve, because I am tied down to my two young children who very much need me for almost everything. A few days ago, I decided to meet a few people at my church and stuff baggies for a local race where some members of our church would be handing out snack...

It's been one of those days. Shoot, it's been one of those weeks. The kind that makes you long for your blissfully quiet and peaceful days of marriage before you had kids... If you are a mom, you know the kind I am talking about. Unless of course, you are one of those moms who pretends you never have days...or weeks like that. In that case, shame on you :) for giving future mothers everywhere the idea that everyday is a picnic and that motherhood is all smiles and sunshine. It's not. And by the way, I am thankful none of my close friends are those kinds of moms. It's a special gift God gave me, having a couple of close girlfriends who also have days and weeks like I have and are willing to be open and honest with me about it, how they feel and that the harder days are probably still yet to come from me. Who also know that no matter what is felt and expressed during frustration, that we love our kids more than anything ever in all the world. Being a mother is by far...

March, due to a couple of unforeseen events and expenses, was turning out to be very tight for us.   We’d recently paid two different expenses, both right around $200 each, totaling around $400.    Two hundred of it was money we hadn’t planned as an expense and therefore wasn’t written into our budget.   Then there was the $200 check that we had written to Walker’s preschool the day, maybe two days, before we moved him to my school. (another God story, so see the post below!)   Now, I have no problem giving that preschool my money.   They have been wonderful to us and for Walker, and we truly believe in their cause.   However, there are times when we could really use the extra $200 that we paid for a month of school he wouldn’t attend there, and now is one of those times! Cliff and I are currently doing a 40 day prayer challenge.   We are reading through a book called “Draw the Circle,” and we are learning so much about growing our faith through...

Our book keeper came down to my room today near the end of the school day, and she said she would watch my class and that I needed to take a phone call in the office. This isn't how phone calls are normally handled, so I was a little concerned. My thoughts immediately jumped to the bad things that could have happened. When I walked into the office I was told it was "Pre-k" on the phone, and my thought was "Phew..." I was SO relieved nothing was wrong. I picked up the phone, already knowing what our answer would be. "Thanks, but no thanks..." Last year we registered Walker for the pre-k program at my school. It's lottery funded and he didn't make the draw. I was sad, but chalked it up to all being part of God's greater plan. We carried on with Pre-K at Kids R Great, where he had just completed the three year old program. He loved it. We loved it. I was sad he wouldn't be with me, but the alternative was so nice an option it was r...