Doner Than Done

You ever feel like your life isn't how it's supposed to be?  

Just take that in for a minute. 

Right now, I feel that way. I'm laying in the bed beside my boys. Together, Cliff and I have worked in this house a good portion of the day.  It's a wreck. And honestly, there isn't much to show for all our hard work today. 

Every time we turned around, one of them was pulling out something we had just cleaned up, or creating a new mess for us. I'm not talking a few toys strewed on the floor. That, I can handle. I'm talking mess. The kind I am beginning to believe only my boys can create.  The kind that seems to encompass me. At times it seemed they were doing it on purpose. Maybe they were. But I'm sure they weren't. They were just being kids. And they both helped a good bit today also. 

We've had a good day. Don't get me wrong. We've all been together. iPhones have been put aside. We've laughed and had fun. It's just...

I'm tired. It's been a long week. Cliff and I have barely had a chance to speak three sentences to one another, and we feel it. 

"But you're teachers and you're on summer break." Yes. Except that Cliff gave up his entire month of June vacation to work and make some extra money for our family. And so he worked all week last week and when he got home, there was VBS each night. I'm thankful for both those things, but...

I've missed him. Emotions are heightened. Nerves are shot. And here I lay, in the bed again with our youngest because he simply won't/can't go to sleep. It's not that I mind laying with him. In fact, I rather enjoy it. For an acceptable time, that is. But these days I'm in his room every night until 11 or 12. So what I mind, is missing time with my husband. 

I miss sitting on the couch together. I miss our check-in time after they are asleep when we really sit down and catch up on each other's day. I miss eating break-n-bakes and dipping them in milk while we chat or catch a show together. I just miss it. Because by the time bedtime is done, so are we. Stick a fork in us. It's true. Doner than done. (Yes, I teach English...)

Before this stage of transition from crib to big boy bed, there were hours of crying at night. It just hasn't been easy at bedtime with our second baby. For a better part of the last year, our evenings have been spent catering to the two year old that we love dearly. My sister is tired of hearing about it. I can assure you. 

We can't get a full conversation in when our children are awake. I know one five year old who just must think the walls of his world would come tumbling down if he stepped back and allowed us to share a hug, a meal, an exchange of a few words, a kiss without him intervening. I just don't get it. 

What's so wrong with mom and dad having a few minutes alone? 

Nothing. And the buck stops here. (I'm not sure that's the right saying for what I mean, but I'm not taking the time to look it up.) 

Something has to change. We have to "take back" our evenings. We've got to work harder to establish some boundaries and rules for when mom and dad need a moment together.  The time we're missing is so important. Modeling for them a marriage that will not tolerate any form of disentigration is important. 

We're great parents. We're confident in that. We're also confident we are doing a disservice to our children by teaching them that sacrificing time shared between mommy and daddy is ok. 

My husband is my best friend. Bar none. We are and always have been extremely close friends. We connect on a level that I know is God-breathed and we are thankful for a solid relationship. But we aren't ignorant to the fact that no one is immune to a failed marriage. I am thankful we are committed to making sure we don't ever land there. 

There have been times when we've not made dating a priority. With two kids, it can be hard. There have been times when we've gone against what scripture teaches, and we've let the sun set on our anger. There have been times when we feel the frustration of two boys prying their way between us, sucking all the life and energy out of us, so that it seems we have nothing left for each other. 

Let's face it. Even the prom king and queen are human. :)  (wow. I'm tired. That was a throw back joke to high school...)

What I know though, when I look at the life we've built together, is that though harder times may come, distractions may arise, life may drag us down, we are two people who are completely committed to following through with the promise we made to love one another forever. There's never been a minute of my life when I have considered us anything less than that. 

God joined us together, he remains the center of us, and He keeps us close when life could very well make us distant. He also gently whispers into one of our ears (or sometimes both) when we are slipping, when we need to focus more attention on nurturing our relationship. 

So, we seize those moments to hug when we pass in the kitchen, even though we know in just a few short seconds we will have a little one smooshing his body between us. We make jokes to keep from crying when we need to. We send text messages when we can't verbally talk. On occasion we've "closed the kitchen" to two little boys and sentenced them to the couch to watch Max and Ruby, so we could enjoy a dinner together. (After we've fed them, of course...) We've called the gramps and gone out (though not nearly enough) without those precious babies. We've locked the bedroom door when necessary. (Sorry, Dad...) We've gone on a Words with Friends "date" when one of us is trapped with the littles for hours at bedtimes. (We're dorks. We're ok with it.) 

That's what you do. You guard your marriage. You protect it. You cherish it above any other relationship on Earth. You esteem your spouse higher than anyone on this planet and you do not bash him to anyone, ever, under any circumstances. 

And when we feel the weight of the world trying to push us down, we hold hands, we stand up and we  fight back.  We take that living and active, sharper than any double edged sword and we fight back. 

So, go spend that $30 on dinner and call a sitter. Send those kids to the grandparents for the weekend from time to time. Don't stop taking that yearly anniversary trip. Even if you've tried everything under the sun to get your two year old to go to bed, figure out a solution, and don't lose that precious evening time with your husband. Don't feel guilty not allowing the kids to interrupt your conversation. Don't allow the guilt you feel when one asks you to play to keep you from loving on your husband. You've been playing all day. So has he. Let the kid play alone for a minute. Show them what a marriage that lasts is build on. Show them how much you love their Daddy. Show them how to love their future spouses. Second to growing them to know The Lord, it's the best gift you will ever give them.