Hey...I Love You.

Wanted you to know... Also, I hope you have a wonderful day. I'm going to try to pick myself up and take what is given to me with a happy heart. I guess sometimes I feel our days slipping away. Time isn't on our side like it used to be.. Everyday without you is another day i miss sharing with you... I love you and I'll wait!!:

As I was leaving a place the other day, I hugged the neck of a sweet friend, as is our custom way of saying goodbye. I started walking off, and she called out, "Hey-" I turned to look, there was a pause and then she said "I love you..."

"I love you too, I replied" with a smile and continued my trek out the door.

Exchanging "I love you" isn't uncommon for us, so it felt normal in the moment. As the day went on though, I pondered the nature of the interaction and something about it felt unfamiliar. So, I shot my friend a quick text and asked if there was something else she wanted to say in the moment but hadn't.

She replied that there wasn't, but that she just felt like she needed to tell me she loved me. A bit later in the conversation she shared that her thought process in the moment was, "I just think she should be reminded that she is loved and seen."

It was sweet, and I appreciated it, but honestly, I pondered why the Lord would lead her to reassure me of that at a time when I wasn't feeling in need of it. (I've definitely felt in need of it before!) I know her well enough to know that if she felt led to do it, it's because He initiated that in her. She's one of the very most Spirit led people I know.

Fast forward. The second half of today brought a myriad of emotions and insecurities that I pretty much had to keep to myself. The enemy was busy whispering lies into my head about who I am and how people see me. Fully involved in spiritual warfare and prayerfully seeking the victory that I know is mine, left me exhausted and emotional. My desire to be understood and valued was at odds with who God says I am, who I know I am in Him, and some very raw places were exposed.

I hurt. Inwardly I was calling out to the Lord constantly. Repeating his Name. My outward reactions though, weren't what I would have wanted them to be. For a moment, I contemplated joining the five year old in one of the multiple meltdowns he had before Daddy got home at 5:00 today. When the other one jokingly told me that dinner smelled like it belonged in a garbage dump, I sighed heavily and wondered, "Do they even appreciate me?"

About the time I was at my whits end, I buried my face in my hands and tried to force out the tears I so badly wanted to shed. They wouldn't come. "Lord, help me..."

"You are loved. I see you."

My friend's words from just days earlier infiltrated my thoughts, rushing through my mind with the same force of which I feel my coffee rushing through my veins in the morning with that first, much needed sip.

The beauty of those words in that moment, wasn't just the remembrance of a sweet exchange between unlikely friends days earlier, but rather the recognition of WHO they REALLY came from that day.

Though the vessel, she was merely the orator. Sure, she saw me in that moment, but God sees me always. He sees me when my heart hurts, when I'm feeling defeated, when the opinions of others momentarily outweigh His truths in my mind, when gentleness is hard to come by and I'm kneeling at the throne of grace once again in need of His mercy. He sees me, and He sees me as His own, fully made righteous by the cleansing power of Jesus.

He sees me days before the battle. He busies Himself with orchestrating a sense in just the right person, at just the right time, to say just the right thing, then redelivers it all to my thoughts again days later. A single moment ordained to give me the strength to hold my head up, recognize Satan as the father of lies that he is, turn myself around, and march out of his camp with my victory secure-taking back what he sought to steal from me.

My God Reigns.

"The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The Lord protects the simple hearted; when I was in great need, he saved me. Be at rest once more, Oh my soul, for the Lord has been good to you." Psalm 116:5-7

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:26

PS-Dinner smelled good, not like it belonged in a garbage dump. But, it TASTED like it belonged in a garbage dump. Epic Pinterest letdown, and untimely joking from an 8 year old provide excellent dinner time laughing material. :)







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