I Get Knocked Down (...but I get up again...)

I don't know about anyone else, but sometimes I find this whole responsibility of setting an example for Christ to be quite overwhelming. 

I mean, who am I to even represent The Lord of Lords?

And yet he chose me. 

Most days, well, everyday honestly, I am baffled by this if I really stop to think about it. A lot of times I don't stop to think about it. But there are those times, more often than I wish, where I just blow it. And I mean really blow it-like where others see me, or worse, they are the recipient of my blowing it, and yet I represent Christ. 

It's a lot to digest. 

Nothing can bring me down faster than feeling like I shamed the name of Jesus through my actions because I proclaim to be His daughter, yet can be so...WORLDLY.  

I can be overly sensitive, insensitive, jealous, irrational, lazy, explosive, insecure, spiteful, ungrateful,  thoughtless and careless far more often than I wish. 

I can be downright broken and not at all together like the world might expect a Christian gal to be. 

I can just be me. And sometimes, that can look more unlike Jesus than anything else. 

You know what though? He never lets me stay there-in my thoughts of defeat. 

I'm reminded that it is not my works that have saved me. It isn't my list of dids and did nots that have rescued me from the depths of sinfulness. 

Rather, the grace of Jesus, which is offered to me, free of charge and just as I am. The deepest expression of love was afforded to me when Jesus died on the cross, for me, knowing full well that sometimes I would just blow it. Sometimes I wouldn't look anything like Him to a world where I was called to shine for Him. And yet, He still did it. He still offered me a life free of condemnation, free of guilt, and a life that would be lived in joy despite any external circumstances. A debt fully paid, before the offense would even be made, because of how deeply He loves me. Just me and all of me, every part of me. He loves me. 

At times I fear that my actions (and more frequently my REactions) would hinder someone from desiring to follow this Jesus I love, and yet He gently reminds me that it is not I who saves the lost. 

My life can be lived a beautiful existence and display of His power, but I cannot bring someone to salvation. Yes, I can play a part and I can be used by Him.  If I were to intentionally chose to live a life of blatant sin, I could also be instrumental in pushing someone away from the Christian life as well. 

Thankfully God works mightily despite me. He is the One who saves-I am only one of his disciples. I'm comforted in believing that no matter how "not together" I am, He can and does still use me-He is the One who has destroyed death within me. He is the One, the only One who brings life. 

"...who has saved us and called us to a holy life-not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time, but it has now been revealed through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus, who has destroyed death and has brought life..."  -2 Timothy 1:9-10