Dear Dad

Ten years ago tonight, I was spending my last night at home under the roof of the home I grew up in. My last night at home as "Daddy's little girl..."  

I can remember being a mess of emotions. Mostly excited for the day to come, but also strange mixtures of sadness here and there for a chapter of my life, the life I had always known, that I would be leaving behind as I departed at 5 a.m. the next morning to be made beautiful for my groom. 

My wedding day was bar none the happiest day of my life. It poured all day long, and though it wasn't what I would have chosen, it was still perfect for us. The love of my life waiting for me at the alter where we both made a public profession of faith to Jesus as our Savior was almost more than I could handle. Elation doesn't even begin to describe what I was feeling. I was so in love and so ready to start the next chapter of my life. 

I wouldn't change a minute of our wedding day, except perhaps one of the most important moments of the day. The part where my Daddy gave me away. 

I had contemplated all the things my heart wanted to say to him in that moment, and yet no words seemed adequate to express what I truly felt. And when the moment came, my words failed me and in their place came words that hadn't been rehearsed, weren't at all the cry of my heart and words that have replayed in my mind every year on February 14, for ten years now. With a smile and a kiss I said, "Don't step on my dress!"   That was it. Heartbreaking to me still, even today. 

So today-here's a little inside view to my heart of what I maybe would have said if my heart could have beared in that moment to face what was truly happening. 

Dear Dad,
For 24 years, you have been the man in my life. Yes, there have been boyfriends. Some great, some questionable, but all measured against a man they could never compare to. You, my daddy. You have loved me at my most unlovable moments and I've always been certain of your affection for me. I've held a place in your heart that I know is only for me. And dad, you've held an equivalent place in mine. You have been my Prince Charming all this time. You're the one I want and need when anything in life doesn't pan out. You're the one I call first when I have news I cannot wait to share. And today, as you give me away to the man God has chosen to now be my protector, I want you to know that I love you so much. I love you for growing me to know The Lord, and for teaching me what that truly meant. I love you for not giving up on me, for always having my back, and especially for putting me in my place when I needed it. I didn't know that one day I would find a man, who would make me feel as safe and loved as you do, and I know that I enter this marriage able to fully trust in his love for me because of the way you loved me-the way you taught me that leaning on the man in my life would never disappoint me. You have been my safe place for all these years, and it's scary to leave you behind and find my safe place elsewhere. But I know all the years of love and protection you have given me have prepared me for this very moment. I'm so honored that God allowed me to be your little girl. Out of all the dads in the world, I know He gave me the best one. Thank you for showing me grace, and allowing me to make mistakes. Thank you for teaching me about God's forgiveness and love for me and for modeling that forgiveness in our own relationship. Thank you for apologizing to me when you feel you've messed up and for showing me what seeking repentance with The Lord looks like. You are everything I would have picked in a dad, if I could have picked you myself. Now, as I take this next step in life and give myself to this new man, I want you to know that I will always be your little girl. You will always be my safe place, now I just get to have two!  
I love you more than you will ever know-you, my Daddy, are my hero. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Growing Pains

One night recently, after he'd been asleep several hours, my baby boy became very restless in his slumber.  After determining he had no fever, but watching him continue to moan, thrash and shudder in his sleep I grew concerned and asked his daddy to come observe for a few moments.  We noticed he was reaching for his legs and squeezing them, while still caught in an uncomfortable state of not being awake, but certainly not fully asleep either. This is when I learned that earlier in the evening, he'd complained of his legs hurting. I'd been out of the house that evening, and daddy had done bedtime without me. Growing pains, we assumed, as this has been a sporadic occurance throughout this little one's life.  Eventually, after some more flailing and when whimpers turned to real cries and tears, he awakened. He was so delirious from his sleep being interrupted so abuptly, that he couldn't effectively answer our questions about what was bothering him. He supplied several
Read more

A New Song

Have you ever been broken before the Lord? I mean truly broken?  This morning in church, we were singing one of my all time favorite worship songs. It's been a while since we've sang it, and I was excited to hear the  strumming of chords on the guitar, as our new worship leader, Victoria, transitioned into "Forever Reign."  I had no idea what the Lord had in store for me at that moment.  I've been praying lately for a clean heart. If you've followed my writing for years, you may know this is not the first time I've felt this pressing need to just come clean before God, to allow Him to purify me from the inside out.  (It won't be the last, either)  I'm in need of a good cleaning, and I've been sitting in my own yuck for a little bit now.  The chorus to the song came, and I found myself with my arms lifted and voice bellowing, "my heart will sing, no other name..." but just before I could sing the next word, I broke down. "Jesus.&q
Read more

A Lesson From My Son

Recently my five year old son overheard an adult he doesn't know say "Oh my God" multiple times in a row in reaction to something going on.  This bothered him. A lot. With confusion and brokenheartedness all over his face, he walked over to me in a soft voice and said "Mommy, that lady keeps saying Oh my God." He had tears in his eyes.  I should mention that we have talked to Walker about why we don't use the Lord's name in vain, and what that means. But the conversations haven't been lengthy, and it hasn't been an issue in our home or family. He hasn't been in trouble or chided by anyone about such usage.  I can't shake the image of his expression when he came to me. A small child, a new member of the family of God. Someone who has just recently recognized his need for a Savior and responded to God's calling to accept Him as his Savior and Lord. Heartbroken over three words uttered from the mouth of a stranger. Words that affected hi
Read more