WORD
I've been doing the word of the year thing, long before it was a trend. Or maybe it's always been a trend, and I just wasn't aware. Regardless, words and I go way back. This year, in particular, it seemed like anytime I scrolled social media during the first few days of the new year, all I saw was others proclaiming their word for the year. And that's great, really it is. But honestly, it made me not want to shout my word from the rooftops. Something about sharing it with everyone else, made it feel less sacred to me. Something about it becoming a "trend" has made me want to tuck my word deep into my heart and keep it hidden there, where only the Lord and I can know it and have access to it.
This year, I knew what my word was almost immediately, a stark contrast to last year where it was well into February before I felt certain I knew my word. The simple, plain word popped into my brain before I'd even had my coffee one morning, much less opened my devotion book and Bible. Then, was confirmed moments later as my readings shared verses that lined up perfectly with what I believed I had heard Him speak to me. That's the kind of thing I get excited about. The kind of thing I like to share! Yet, I was hesitant to share this with even my closest friends, much less on social media. I'm a sharer-you know that. Part of the heart God has given me to minster to others is through being open and honest about my struggles and lack of togetherness, believing the promise He spoke over me when I first began this blog, that he would use my willing heart and broken pieces to draw others to Himself.
This one, though, this one I wanted to keep to myself. Yes, for the reasons I mentioned above, but there's more to it than that. You see, the very nature of the word, at it's core is unbelievably personal to me. It calls for me to search the inner most places of my heart, and allow the struggles that lie there to be exposed. It beckons me to examine myself in a new way-my reactions, my intentions, my insecurities and surrender those things in ways that may be painful and require a humble seeking of direction. Fears, failures, frailties exposed. It demands that I no longer pick up off the alter what I have already laid down. Ever. It means that what has always been, may not always be. It forces me to ask hard questions, in hard areas: Do I really trust God with this? It calls for me to stop believing the lie. You know the one. The lie that holds us back and hinders us from fulfilling all that God has purposed for our lives. It's different for you, it's different for me.
It calls for me to rise up. Rise up from the broken places, rise up from the comparisons, rise up from the rejection, rise up from the false labels the world will put on me if I let it. Remembering what He has spoken, what He has done, what He has promised. To stop slurping from muddy water when I have living water in an overflowing cup!
Quite honestly, I don't like this word. I don't like what it represents. I don't like the lack of familiarity that accompanies it. I don't want to be stretched, molded, shaped and uncomfortable. I don't want anything to look different than what I am used to. I just want to sit here, in my warm cozy place, and live the life I've been living-it feels safe. It feels comfortable. It feels like home. It's good here.
But sisters, sometimes (oftentimes) following Jesus isn't warm and cozy. It doesn't always look like the life you've been living, and though He is always our protection, it doesn't always feel safe. Sometimes it feels downright scary and uncomfortable. And while warm and cozy is good, you know what I am learning? Scary, uncomfortable and uncertain are the catalysts of an unhindered, reckless surrender to Jesus...and that's better than good. That's where you find that everything you thought was the perfect lay out for your life, doesn't even begin to compare to all that He has in store for you...all that He created you for. That's where you begin to understand the beauty of a heart that, from it's depth declares, "not my will, but yours, Lord..." That's where you learn what complete dependence and trust look like. That's where you abandon the old things, and claim your Victory in the new things. That's where you become like Jesus. That's where you are no longer willing to conform to what you have always been, but rather become transformed. That is where you change.
This year, I knew what my word was almost immediately, a stark contrast to last year where it was well into February before I felt certain I knew my word. The simple, plain word popped into my brain before I'd even had my coffee one morning, much less opened my devotion book and Bible. Then, was confirmed moments later as my readings shared verses that lined up perfectly with what I believed I had heard Him speak to me. That's the kind of thing I get excited about. The kind of thing I like to share! Yet, I was hesitant to share this with even my closest friends, much less on social media. I'm a sharer-you know that. Part of the heart God has given me to minster to others is through being open and honest about my struggles and lack of togetherness, believing the promise He spoke over me when I first began this blog, that he would use my willing heart and broken pieces to draw others to Himself.
This one, though, this one I wanted to keep to myself. Yes, for the reasons I mentioned above, but there's more to it than that. You see, the very nature of the word, at it's core is unbelievably personal to me. It calls for me to search the inner most places of my heart, and allow the struggles that lie there to be exposed. It beckons me to examine myself in a new way-my reactions, my intentions, my insecurities and surrender those things in ways that may be painful and require a humble seeking of direction. Fears, failures, frailties exposed. It demands that I no longer pick up off the alter what I have already laid down. Ever. It means that what has always been, may not always be. It forces me to ask hard questions, in hard areas: Do I really trust God with this? It calls for me to stop believing the lie. You know the one. The lie that holds us back and hinders us from fulfilling all that God has purposed for our lives. It's different for you, it's different for me.
It calls for me to rise up. Rise up from the broken places, rise up from the comparisons, rise up from the rejection, rise up from the false labels the world will put on me if I let it. Remembering what He has spoken, what He has done, what He has promised. To stop slurping from muddy water when I have living water in an overflowing cup!
Quite honestly, I don't like this word. I don't like what it represents. I don't like the lack of familiarity that accompanies it. I don't want to be stretched, molded, shaped and uncomfortable. I don't want anything to look different than what I am used to. I just want to sit here, in my warm cozy place, and live the life I've been living-it feels safe. It feels comfortable. It feels like home. It's good here.
But sisters, sometimes (oftentimes) following Jesus isn't warm and cozy. It doesn't always look like the life you've been living, and though He is always our protection, it doesn't always feel safe. Sometimes it feels downright scary and uncomfortable. And while warm and cozy is good, you know what I am learning? Scary, uncomfortable and uncertain are the catalysts of an unhindered, reckless surrender to Jesus...and that's better than good. That's where you find that everything you thought was the perfect lay out for your life, doesn't even begin to compare to all that He has in store for you...all that He created you for. That's where you begin to understand the beauty of a heart that, from it's depth declares, "not my will, but yours, Lord..." That's where you learn what complete dependence and trust look like. That's where you abandon the old things, and claim your Victory in the new things. That's where you become like Jesus. That's where you are no longer willing to conform to what you have always been, but rather become transformed. That is where you change.
"Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2
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