Cash Back

The other evening I was in the grocery store with my boys grabbing a few items I needed to complete a meal we were taking to another family.  I used the self check-out because we had few items.  I decided at the last minute to grab some "cash back" with my check-out, so I pressed the $20 option and completed my transaction.  I loaded my groceries from the bagging area into the cart, convinced the littlest one to stop spinning the balloon stand 'round and 'round, yanked my receipt from the machine, and headed out the door.  I was sitting in the turn lane at the red light of the intersection when it dawned on me that I hadn't grabbed my cash back. I whipped the car across the (thankfully empty) next two lanes, circled back around, knowing that my cash was probably gone.  A small part of me held onto hope that it would still be there, in that drop down slot, waiting for me.  I went back in and the registers were empty, as well as the cash slot that should have held my $20.  I explained to the girl working that area what had happened and hoped maybe she'd grabbed it or someone had turned it in, to no avail.  A short review of the security recording showed what I had already known.  The lady standing behind me watched me leave, reached over immediately and grabbed it, then handed it to her son, who shoved it into his pocket.

It was just $20, but I was so frustrated, which turned to anger and then just a general disappointment.  This isn't the first time our family has been stolen from.  In fact, it's the fourth.  Compassion eluded me in the moment, and was replaced with outward gripes as we made our way back to the car, ones that my two boys were witness to.  Things like "It doesn't feel good when someone steals from you.  This isn't the first time, either! I just don't understand why people DO stuff like this!  What a terrible example she set for her son!" (that one in particular is ironic, considering in that moment I myself was also setting a terrible example for my children.)  My words and reactions can be just as destructive to "goodness" as someone else's actions can be.  "Now we are running late.  And I don't have my cash back."  I continued.  It went on.  Some of the things that passed through my head were uglier than the ones that came out of my mouth, but this lasted all the way to the car.

As I was buckling my seatbelt while simultaneously pulling out of the parking place, from the backseat I hear, "Mom, you never know...maybe that family needed the $20 more than we did.  Maybe they couldn't afford all their groceries with out it...they might really have needed it..."

Silence.

Then as if God Himself was speaking directly to me, and well, He was... I heard in my head "Therefore as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you..." (Colossians 3:12-13)

Right in the middle of my own sin, God reminded me of something really huge through the words of a ten year old boy who is often wise beyond his years.  I don't deserve God's forgiveness any more than the lady who took my money deserved mine.  In fact, I might deserve it even less.  But, what we deserve has never been a factor when it comes to the forgiveness that God offers us, and what we extend to others should never be influenced by our limited perspective and raw emotions.  We all need God's forgiveness, and none of us deserve it, but that didn't stop Him from offering it to us anyway. The life of compassion and forgiveness that we are called to isn't one that allows for picking and choosing who we extend forgiveness to, or by what measure we dish it out.

As the conversation between the boys and I continued, I came into agreement with my oldest. "You know what? You're so right.  There's no limit to what God can do-He can even use someone's sinful actions (or words) to bring about goodness.  We may never know what that looks like in this particular situation, but we know He can do it."

The truth is, they probably did need that money far more than we did.  We didn't need it at all, actually.  I grabbed it on a whim, because it popped into my head to do so, not knowing what I would actually need it for.  Maybe it wasn't for me, after all.

My reaction to the chain of events that evening wasn't immediately God-honoring, but my boy's reaction was.  I thanked him for having a Christ-like heart about the matter and for allowing God to use him to speak to his mama's heart. His response reminded me of what the peace of Christ looked like in the middle of circumstances that weren't to my liking and brought attention to my own need for grace and forgiveness in that moment. Whether they actually needed that money or not, has no bearing on whether or not I should extend forgiveness.  Forgiving wasn't about whether they deserved pardon or not, but more about coming into agreement with the truth that if it weren't for Christ's forgiveness in my own life, I would be in pretty rough shape. And suddenly, that $20 wasn't a loss, it was a gift.  It was no longer stolen, it had been released.

"And over all these virtues, put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as one body you were called to peace.  And be thankful." (Colossians 3:14-15)

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Growing Pains

A Lesson From My Son

That's Just How We Roll