Fear

Our little Will has struggled with fear for as long as he has been able to recognize the concept. It seems he’s always had a thing. Fearing Mommy not coming back, afraid of going potty, afraid of going into rooms alone, fear of being left behind, and most recently a debilitating fear of weather. When I say debilitating, I’m not exaggerating. At the beginning of the school year, he’d come out to the playground during our shared recess time and he’d stand right beside me. When I went inside, he’d move to his teacher’s side. The only way he’d go play and enjoy his friends was if the sky was perfectly blue without a cloud in sight. He was terrified of the possibility of what could be, even when there was no justifiable reason to feel afraid. When it actually would storm, a new form of terror would come over him, and it was all-consuming. 

I have prayed over him daily. Nightly. And in between. 1 Peter 5:7 was my banner over his life. I begged God to release him from the grips of fear. Endless prayers whispered aloud over him as he slept, countless journal entries written, pleading on his behalf. 

I’m not exactly sure when it happened, but at some point our boy began to experience freedom from what once held him back. It was a gradual shift, but a noticeable one for sure. I remember the day he told me he wasn’t afraid anymore because he prayed and God helped him. Some time has passed and just yesterday he told me he wants to move to Oklahoma or Kansas when he grows up, so he can study and chase storms. (Cringe. I didn’t meant I wanted him THAT delivered!!) He also shared this desire to study storms with his teacher. 

But in all seriousness, from my up close and personal perspective, this is a picture of the freedom of deliverance. Will isn’t just noticeably unafraid of storms anymore, Will is noticeably unafraid. Almost fearless, with the exception of showering alone in Mommy’s bathroom. (But hey, that CAN be a little scary for any child...) 

The other day he said “I can’t wait for tornado season...” and while I know that his current boldness comes easily because he is, in fact, NOT face to face with the threat of a tornado, what I see playing out in him right now is that he is approaching his fears from a place of victory. He has set his mind on coming face to face with his fear in boldness. Now, he’s six, so whether he actually grows up to chase storms is yet to be seen. But what I’m taking from this is that while my little boy recognizes things to fear do exist, he’s not choosing to live inside the grip of fear’s tight squeeze. He’s walking with brave confidence in anticipation of victory right into the face of fear. 

In the book of Matthew, Jesus had sent his disciples out in a boat while He went to pray alone. He’s God, so He knew a wind storm was  of raging imminence before He sent them out. Being in a boat in a storm in the water can be scary. The boat seemed to be the only security for them in that moment, and yet it was being beaten down by the wind. Well into the night, Jesus came to them and they were terrified. Scripture tells us they cried out in fear. Immediately Jesus said to them, “Take courage! It is I. Do not be afraid.”  Peter beckoned him, “Lord, if it’s you, tell me to come to you on the water.”  “Come,” Jesus said. And so Peter, no doubt trembling in fear, climbed over the side of that boat, walked on water straight toward his true security. For a moment, He allowed his glance to shift to the waves billowing and swelling around him, and when he did he began to sink. Immediately, upon his cry for help, Jesus reached down and caught him. The wind died down. As they climbed back into the boat, everyone who had seen this was amazed. They worshipped Him saying, “Truly you are the son of God.”

This is a beautiful example of someone stepping boldly into their fear. He jumped out of the boat, his seemingly safe place and dove feet first into the very circumstances that threatened to steal his safety because he knew that on the other side of those waves and his fear, was Jesus. Waiting with open arms, desiring His trust, promising to rescue. Peter didn’t crouch down behind the walls of the boat and hide, he didn’t entertain fear and allow it to hold him back. He faced it head on, and fear lost its grip on him. Choosing to trust God in the presence of fear allowed Him to do something only possible through the power of the Holy Spirit. He walked on water! Like Jesus. He did something only Jesus could do! Jesus gave Peter the ability to do this as a result of his willingness to fix his eyes on Jesus and focus on Him instead of his fear. Think of how he would have missed experiencing Jesus in such a personal way, had he stayed in that boat. Though for a moment, Peter was distracted by his fears and began to sink into the waters, it did not overtake him because Jesus was there, and the lies of fear must disseminate in His presence. 

Becoming fearless has been something I’ve prayed for and strived to obtain in my own life, but what I’m learning lately is that fearlessness looks a little different than what I originally thought. Fearlessness doesn’t necessarily look like a complete absence of fear, but rather a peaceful and confident countenance in the midst of fear. That when I’m faced with fear, and the worries that shake me, I rest, trust and obey. Becoming fearless is more about learning to surrender those fears to the One who can securely wrap me in the safety of His love, rather than taking on some super-human ability to never fear at all. 

Three hundred and sixty five times in scripture we are told to fear not. Three hundred and sixty five times. 365. This world is a scary place. Life is full of uncertainty. Sometimes the storms of life produce terrifying waves of fear that rise up so high that it seems they hinder our ability to keep our eyes on Jesus. But, He never leaves. He’s there, on the other side of the storm, just waiting for us to step out and trust Him. Let us fix our eyes on Him.  

“For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.” Isaiah 41:13