Trust Fall
At youth group a while back, my husband wanted me to do a trust fall with him to model a portion of his lesson to our teenagers. It must have been a last minute illustration for him, because I was unaware of what he had in mind when he asked me to come stand with him. When he said he wanted me to do a trust fall, I was excited. I probably haven't done one of those since high school, and I remembered them being fun. I turned around and prepared to fall backwards into the strong and safe arms of my protector, who I knew would never let me fall. I have, without question, complete faith in him. Yet, as I tilted my body and began to let gravity take effect, my right foot stepped backward, to break my fall. I glanced behind me to make sure he hadn't moved. Suddenly, I was aware that deep within me, lies a smidgen of fear. Fear of falling, fear of not being caught, fear of the one person on Earth that I know will never let me down, letting me down.
"Trust me," he said with a tender smile. "I won't let you fall. I promise." And so hesitantly I fell, with no backward step, into those strong arms that promised to save me. And, they did.
My relationship with the Lord is a lot like a trust fall right now. Even more than my faith in my husband, I know the Lord promises to always be there, in all His strength and with unconditional love, there to catch me, beckoning me to trust Him. "Close your eyes. Lean back. Fall into a deeper trust of me," He says.
Sometimes it's easy, other times my right foot steps backward. Sometimes the left one even follows it. Admittedly, all too often, both hands are in motion, preparing to break the fall.
Trusting God is something that I've always felt came easy to me. When faced with tragedy, illness, day to day obstacles it's not too hard for me to plant my thoughts and security on His infinite provision. I've got that.
Lately though, God has been digging deep into my heart and revealing to me some areas of trust not yet surrendered. Mostly too personal and raw to pen just yet, but those hidden areas where I, plainly put, just haven't fully surrendered to Him.
I'm learning that the areas of my life that seem to be continual areas of struggle, are truly areas where, if I'm being honest, I have decided not to trust Him completely. Diligently pursuing God, seeking Him with all my heart like He calls me to, means trusting every intricate emotion he planted within me to Him. Every last one. The ones that terrify me and the ones I've grown comfortable in, as just being part of who I am.
The process of realizing my trust is weaker than I once thought has been painful. It's been incredibly hard to digest at times, but I'm continuing to seek Him, and allowing Him to search my heart. It's required me to lean a little further into God's grace, and (ironically here) trust in who He says He is even more.
I'm not there yet. One thing I know though, with every small step of faith I take, He's revealing Himself to me in a new way. My understanding of just how fulfilling He is grows greatly. Bit by bit, I'm learning to fall into those strong arms longing to catch me. There, in the trust fall, He relentlessly pursues me. He offers grace when I stumble backward, attempting to break the fall on my own. He provides mercy even when I glance around just to assure myself He's there. His patience with me and understanding of me, has shown no limit. He just waits, longing for his daughter to fully surrender even the deepest places of hurt and insecurity, the tallest and strongest walls I've built, the places I'm still longing for fulfillment. He searches my heart, all the while cleaning it up and renewing my spirit. I'm finding peace in those restless areas, as I learn to trust my heart completely to the One who saves me.
"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast because they trust in You."
Isaiah 26:3
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
"Trust me," he said with a tender smile. "I won't let you fall. I promise." And so hesitantly I fell, with no backward step, into those strong arms that promised to save me. And, they did.
My relationship with the Lord is a lot like a trust fall right now. Even more than my faith in my husband, I know the Lord promises to always be there, in all His strength and with unconditional love, there to catch me, beckoning me to trust Him. "Close your eyes. Lean back. Fall into a deeper trust of me," He says.
Sometimes it's easy, other times my right foot steps backward. Sometimes the left one even follows it. Admittedly, all too often, both hands are in motion, preparing to break the fall.
Trusting God is something that I've always felt came easy to me. When faced with tragedy, illness, day to day obstacles it's not too hard for me to plant my thoughts and security on His infinite provision. I've got that.
Lately though, God has been digging deep into my heart and revealing to me some areas of trust not yet surrendered. Mostly too personal and raw to pen just yet, but those hidden areas where I, plainly put, just haven't fully surrendered to Him.
I'm learning that the areas of my life that seem to be continual areas of struggle, are truly areas where, if I'm being honest, I have decided not to trust Him completely. Diligently pursuing God, seeking Him with all my heart like He calls me to, means trusting every intricate emotion he planted within me to Him. Every last one. The ones that terrify me and the ones I've grown comfortable in, as just being part of who I am.
The process of realizing my trust is weaker than I once thought has been painful. It's been incredibly hard to digest at times, but I'm continuing to seek Him, and allowing Him to search my heart. It's required me to lean a little further into God's grace, and (ironically here) trust in who He says He is even more.
I'm not there yet. One thing I know though, with every small step of faith I take, He's revealing Himself to me in a new way. My understanding of just how fulfilling He is grows greatly. Bit by bit, I'm learning to fall into those strong arms longing to catch me. There, in the trust fall, He relentlessly pursues me. He offers grace when I stumble backward, attempting to break the fall on my own. He provides mercy even when I glance around just to assure myself He's there. His patience with me and understanding of me, has shown no limit. He just waits, longing for his daughter to fully surrender even the deepest places of hurt and insecurity, the tallest and strongest walls I've built, the places I'm still longing for fulfillment. He searches my heart, all the while cleaning it up and renewing my spirit. I'm finding peace in those restless areas, as I learn to trust my heart completely to the One who saves me.
"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast because they trust in You."
Isaiah 26:3
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
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