Overflow

I was outside cleaning the dog's kennel and bed for the second morning last week after he apparently had what we will refer to as "massive bowel issues" in his sleep overnight...THREE NIGHTS IN A ROW.  I was REALLY annoyed. This isn't what I wanted to do with my first few moments of my day. I'd much rather have been curled up on the couch with my coffee in hand, doing my devotion time, while a small boy sat next to me sucking his fingers. But alas, "duty" called. (Ha ha-so punny!) 

Walker accompanied me to the sidewalk that morning to watch. As I sprayed the hose and tried to avoid splattering poop on Walker & myself, out it came. My own diarrhea. No, not THAT kind. (Like I'd post that here!)  Rather, the type of diarrhea that so often erupts from my mouth. Complaints. Complaints, complaints, complaints. My current situation wasn't ideal and I wanted the trees, grass and flowers to know. 

This day came only four or so days after surrendering my habit of complaining to the Lord and allowing him to begin doing a little cleaning up of my heart in that area. (I had been doing so well, too!) 

Something like this came out of my mouth, "I'm so SICK and TIRED of this CRAP!" Then I paused to soak up the humor in my unintended pun, because I am, after all, an English teacher and writer at heart!  (Crap=doggy doo in case you missed it) A few seconds later returning to my griping, I sputtered, "this dog is a THORN in my side..." and then, out of my peripheral vision, I'm reminded of my seven year old, watching me. Taking in and absorbing every move I made, including my projected outlook on the situation. 

There's truth in the old adage, "if you want to see the change, you've got to BE the change..." And suddenly an awareness flooded over me, of where all of his complaining and whining comes from. Learned behavior. Sure, some of it is just being a kid. But I'm not exactly the picture perfect model of a great attitude in every situation. His complaining has challenged me for a while now, because I want the very best for him. I want him to be able to adapt to situations that aren't ideal to him, in a graceful and pleasant manner. I want him to mature in a way that doesn't mean everything has to be exactly the way he wants it or about him and if it's not, he's still good with that. 

But do I model that for him?  Really?  The answer that I found in my heart was really quite difficult to swallow. 

I stopped right then, looked at him, and began talking out loud to God. I asked him to forgive my bad attitude and help me to find the humor in the situation. I thanked him for never giving up on me and quoted a scripture that's been my focal verse this week. Then I moved on, without complaining, and finished the job set before me. 

It's been over a week now that I've made intentional efforts to complain less, and aim for not at all. I've not been perfect, but I've been intentional and I believe that goes a long way toward success-that with a lot of prayer and focusing on scripture. I've even plastered Philippians 2:14-15 onto my iPhone lock screen as the wallpaper, so I see it anytime I use my phone. It's been exhilarating to see how the  small changes have affected my attitude and outlook on any situation and how that's overflowed into my children's attitudes as well. Even when I feel thoughts coming on, that I don't plan to share with anyone, I still pray them away. I speak scripture to my heart, so it's not filled with that gunk of a glass half full mentality. I want my heart to be filled with the unconditional joy of Christ and the overwhelming outward positivity that flows from that. 

I want my glass to be full. To overflow.