Parenting is Hard Work

I tell you what, this parenting thing can be downright difficult sometimes, amiright?  ☺  There are days when I get so bogged down with the frustrations of not seeing the fruits of my labor with one or both of my boys, that I can really wallow myself into a deep pit of self-pity and mommy guilt.  

I’ve been there this week.  I’m sure you’ve been there too at some point or another, because aren’t we all navigating through the same struggles, desperately wanting our children to learn to show love, respect, maturity and selflessness as they grow?   

I can get down on myself as a mother when my children aren’t compliant or exhibit behaviors and attitudes that warrant a little tough love on my part.  It’s easy to feel like I’m failing.  I know I’m not alone in this, as I recently had a conversation with a dear friend who is desperately struggling with her daughter’s attitude and emotions-a mom feeling completely out of control, heartbroken and embarrassed by some of the things she’s experiencing.  And she’s a bang up mom, y’all.  One of the best I know-a definite parenting model for myself.  Or yet another mom, who is just beginning to understand the challenges of motherhood, entertains the question of why it is that whenever she’s left alone with her child for more than an hour or so, she feels like she needs to eat ice cream.  I have to laugh.  Oh, how I have been there.  Again, such a glorious mother, one whose love and affection came so naturally that it even surprised her own self.  

Motherhood can be so hard.  People always say being a mommy is the hardest job they’ve ever had, and I concur!  But, being a mommy is also the most wonderfully rewarding job I’ve ever had, as I ‘m sure you other moms agree.  

It’s easy to view our children’s shortcomings as failures on our end.  It’s natural to want them to shine and be “on” all of the time.  But think about your own self.  Are you always “on?”  Do you always shine?  If you are anything like me, I’m sure your head may be hanging a little lower right now, as you whisper a silent no in reply.  We act selfishly when we don’t get our way.  We sometimes throw fits if we are angry or upset, maybe not the same type of fits that our children do.  But we can act downright ridiculous.  We may have lived long enough to know that smart remarks are best kept inside our head, but we still think them.  Often.  We’ve only learned to contain them.  (again if you are like me, sometimes they aren’t contained…especially with my husband) Sometimes it takes more than once being told to follow directions.  All I have to do is look into God’s Word and the directions He’s lovingly provided for me to follow, to see that sometimes I also am told multiple times and just don’t listen.  It’s true.  I’m just as guilty as they are.

So, instead of getting down on myself and dwelling on how my children’s shortcomings reflect on my parenting, I have to refocus my attention to the truth that God provides me.  He chose me to be their mother because He knew that I possessed the exact qualities that they would need in a mommy.  He chose you to be the mother of your children because He has faith in you to handle this job of mothering his children during their time in Earth.  His grace extends just as abundantly to each of our small ones, as it does to you and I, when we so frequently blow it.  Therefore, our own grace should be extended to our little ones as freely as God extends it to them. We are to be the model in their little lives of God’s grace, forgiveness and unconditional love. Forgiving quickly, loving wildly, reaffirming frequently and acting justly-even if acting justly means showing tough love at times.  We also need to be intentional about allowing ourselves moments of grace, focusing on the truths of God when we are inclined to beat ourselves up.  A word of encouragement to another mom, or a simple “me too” also goes a long way in this journey we are all on together.  God created us for community.  Let’s be it.

It's a struggle, but instead of focusing on feelings of inadequate parenting of the child who called me “the meanest mom ever” and strewed my stuff all over the floor behind my desk at school out of anger when I wouldn’t let his friend come to play, I am going to focus on the heart of a child who emptied his wallet unprompted, and handed over every dime he owned to his pastor when our church burned down, and said “Let’s build a new church.”  I’m going to focus on the child who saw an old trodden house on the way home from school and asked me how we could help a family, who obviously had less than we do.  Instead of focusing on the little one who throws fits, sometimes multiple times daily, and then flashes a dimpled smile when he intentionally does something he’s just been told not to, I’m going to remember that he is three and that his passion for life and love inspire me unlike any other human being on this Earth.  With that one, I’m also going to remember that four is coming.  Oh, glorious day.  Most importantly, in those moments when I have to show tough love, I’m going to remember that I discipline because I love them and I care about their future just as God disciplines me out of love and concern.  I’m going to remember that I experience challenges as a parent because of the fall of man, not because I’m ill equipped to be a mother.

See, my issue isn’t seeing them as good enough-for they light up my life and I see them through crystal colored lenses when it comes to my love and acceptance of them.  My babies know they are loved unconditionally and accepted just as they are, good and bad.  But, the same unconditional love and acceptance I show them, I must also offer to myself when I’d rather tend to feel inadequate.  After all, we are all just trying to do the best we can.  

They are darlings who challenge me and push me to my limits, but they are beautiful examples of loving kindness and redemption.  Instead of allowing momentary troubles to paint a dark cloud over this joyful task of parenting that God has called us to, let’s focus on the rainbow that shines after the storm, as the sunshine gleams its rays of light across the sky.  

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.  Philippians 4:8 (ESV)