Light Giver
Once in a while, a word from the Lord is so ripe in my heart, that it's almost too delicate to write about. Usually I write after things have already been worked out in me, after God has stretched and refined, sifted and molded me in particular areas. But sometimes, like this time, I am pushed to write while the refining is still in process.
I was recently told by someone that they loved how my attitude was always so positive about circumstances, that it refreshed them and encouraged them. In fact, I've been told that many times by many people. I want to receive the compliments with grace and appreciation, but the problem with that is that I know the truth about my attitude, and sometimes it's just not positive. Unfortunately, the truth just hurts.
Sure, it almost always it eventually works it's way out. My faith just insists it does. However, if you see my positive attitude displayed on social media or in real life, it's sometimes (and often times) preceded by more of a glass half empty initial reaction. Not always though-there are definitely moments when positivity and acceptance of "less than ideal circumstances' brings out evidence of the Holy Spirit in me with radiant magnification.
But sometimes, it doesn't.
As is my habit, I manage to save my negativity and complaining for those closest to me. How lucky they are. Specifically those who are closest to me in location. They are the luckiest. I'm not one to vent to the world my woes. You won't see me griping and complaining about much on Facebook. But, oh if you read some of my text messages with my closest friends, or overheard any of my conversations with my husband, or could hear me grumbling during the eight to ten o'clock hours in my house on those evenings when Will won't sleep....
It happens. (...to us all. I know I'm not alone, but I'm only responsible for my own behaviors and this is one I am just not satisfied with. This is an area I fall so short of living like Jesus, and I so desperately want to live like He did.)
Since we have been home from our cruise (the one that was supposed to return us refreshed and revived) life has been anything but refreshing. It's been busy, chaotic, thrilling, full of surprises, challenging, exhausting, frustrating and at times, defeating. I've been stretched thin and worn down. It's been May in the home of two teachers. It's been A LOT.
One of the challenging changes that's occurred lately is Will reverting back to some of his negative bedtime habits. For a long while before now, we were in such a good groove at bedtime. Bedtime was sweet and precious, a bonding time for parents and children, a few moments in the evening that left me feeling full and my heart overflowing which led to evening hours of enjoyable time spent with my husband, ample time to get everything accomplished, time to exercise and find some time for myself, and early bedtime and an early rise to start my day in fellowship with my Jesus. Those were wonderful times with very little to complain about and for a while, my complaining ceased to exist.
A lot of nights are still like that, but many others just aren't right now.
I've learned that very little can knock me off kilter more quickly than frequent interrupted sleep, less time in fellowship with the Lord and many moments stolen from quality time with my man. It just affects me. A lot. I need those three things like I need air to breathe and food to eat. If I'm being honest, even more than I need air and food. (though I do love food...)
I've done a good bit of complaining in May. I complain about how long it takes Will to go to sleep. I complain about how I don't have time to get everything done once he's asleep, and I complain about how I certainly can't get anything done when they are awake. I complain out loud sometimes and they hear me. I complain about Walker's tendency to "not hear" instructions being spoken to him the past couple months, I complain about my weight, I complain about having to serve, I complain about my house, my yard, my students. I've even complained about the one person I feel so strongly against complaining about. My husband. I have made it my resolve for ten years of marriage to not complain about that man. We share that mutual respect for one another. He is so wonderful, and I am so blessed. But he is a man-enough said. I find it incredibly offensive and distasteful when I hear other women complaining about their husbands and it's not something I want to do. Ever. But, I've done it this month once or twice. I justify my complaints with "She's my sister/mom/best friend, she knows us inside and out. She knows how much I love him and how much he loves me. She knows we have a great marriage. This one moment of frustration shared can't taint his image, or cause negative impressions of him to develop..." Oh, but it can. And typically, my frustrations are irrational in the moment, and completely off base. And yet an impression has been established. This can happen in any and every area I choose to complain about.
If all you knew of me was that last paragraph, then you'd think I had a pretty rotten, stinky life. But, that can't be further from the truth. I actually have an incredible life. Those complaints take up a very small portion of my day, they may be expressed in a 30 second text message, or a passing vent followed by a loud sigh in the hallways of my work place, but yet they leave me feeling drab and yucky. They probably encompass less than 6.25% of my entire day, but can affect my thoughts and mind for the rest of the week. A vent session always seems like it will be much more relieving and healing than it ever actually is. In fact, I'd argue that venting my frustrations (ahem...complaining, grumbling, whatever you want to call it) actually magnifies the situation and makes it worse.
Why is it we are so quick to gripe about the frustrations, but aren't chomping at the bits to share all the enjoyable moments?
God's been at work in my heart about this for a few weeks now, and it's something He's worked on me about in the past as well. I simply do not want to be a complainer, but until recently that was because I didn't want to skew someone's impression of marriage, motherhood, the teaching profession, or whatever, or I didn't want to be thought of as a negative person. But lately, God's showing me that my complaining is straight up sin. I've been on my face more times than I'd care to admit seeking his grace and mercy on this over the past month, and I am so thankful He never gives up on me and never stops offering those two gifts.
I saw a verse that a sweet friend posted on Facebook tonight, and it hit me. This is a verse I've known forever, but never really put a lot of focus on. But this, this verse, is what God is calling me to focus on living out daily right now-and not just because I want to be seen as an optimistic person, but because as His child I am called to be light in this dark world. I am called to stand out, to shine, like a radiant star in the darkness.
And though I'm careful to keep my complaining within the safe confines of Christian friendship, it still greatly affects my mind and heart and hinders my ability to shine like a star for the Lord. It's easy to justify this as being "just venting" since I'm not griping to those who don't know the Lord. But, let's just call it what it is-sin. It separates me from the Lord, and possibly impacts those I am speaking with in a negative way as well.
I looked up several different translations of the verse before I began writing because I so wanted to soak in all that God has for me hear. I love each and every translation for different reasons. I am going to share them all here. Maybe you can find encouragement here too. Maybe it's been a crazy month for you and situations have been less than ideal. Maybe it's all too much. It doesn't have to be.
Soak it in, absorb that light and then reflect it.
Philippians 2:14-15 NIV
Do everything without complaining or arguing so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe.
Philippians 2:14-15 NKJV
Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world.
...and oh how this one is my very favorite of them all...
Philippians 2:14-15 Message
Do everything readily and cheerfully-no bickering, no second-guessing allowed! Go out into the world uncorrupted, a breath of fresh air in this squalid and polluted society. Provide people with a glimpse of good living and of the living God. Carry the light-giving message into the night.
Oh how I want to provide people with a glimpse of good living and of the living God. How desperately I want to be one who carries the light-giving message into the night at all times. My prayer for myself is that God would continue to work this out in me, so that this is no longer an area that clouds the impact I can make for God's kingdom. Make me a breath of fresh air in this squalid and polluted society, Lord. Make me a light giver.
I was recently told by someone that they loved how my attitude was always so positive about circumstances, that it refreshed them and encouraged them. In fact, I've been told that many times by many people. I want to receive the compliments with grace and appreciation, but the problem with that is that I know the truth about my attitude, and sometimes it's just not positive. Unfortunately, the truth just hurts.
Sure, it almost always it eventually works it's way out. My faith just insists it does. However, if you see my positive attitude displayed on social media or in real life, it's sometimes (and often times) preceded by more of a glass half empty initial reaction. Not always though-there are definitely moments when positivity and acceptance of "less than ideal circumstances' brings out evidence of the Holy Spirit in me with radiant magnification.
But sometimes, it doesn't.
As is my habit, I manage to save my negativity and complaining for those closest to me. How lucky they are. Specifically those who are closest to me in location. They are the luckiest. I'm not one to vent to the world my woes. You won't see me griping and complaining about much on Facebook. But, oh if you read some of my text messages with my closest friends, or overheard any of my conversations with my husband, or could hear me grumbling during the eight to ten o'clock hours in my house on those evenings when Will won't sleep....
It happens. (...to us all. I know I'm not alone, but I'm only responsible for my own behaviors and this is one I am just not satisfied with. This is an area I fall so short of living like Jesus, and I so desperately want to live like He did.)
Since we have been home from our cruise (the one that was supposed to return us refreshed and revived) life has been anything but refreshing. It's been busy, chaotic, thrilling, full of surprises, challenging, exhausting, frustrating and at times, defeating. I've been stretched thin and worn down. It's been May in the home of two teachers. It's been A LOT.
One of the challenging changes that's occurred lately is Will reverting back to some of his negative bedtime habits. For a long while before now, we were in such a good groove at bedtime. Bedtime was sweet and precious, a bonding time for parents and children, a few moments in the evening that left me feeling full and my heart overflowing which led to evening hours of enjoyable time spent with my husband, ample time to get everything accomplished, time to exercise and find some time for myself, and early bedtime and an early rise to start my day in fellowship with my Jesus. Those were wonderful times with very little to complain about and for a while, my complaining ceased to exist.
A lot of nights are still like that, but many others just aren't right now.
I've learned that very little can knock me off kilter more quickly than frequent interrupted sleep, less time in fellowship with the Lord and many moments stolen from quality time with my man. It just affects me. A lot. I need those three things like I need air to breathe and food to eat. If I'm being honest, even more than I need air and food. (though I do love food...)
I've done a good bit of complaining in May. I complain about how long it takes Will to go to sleep. I complain about how I don't have time to get everything done once he's asleep, and I complain about how I certainly can't get anything done when they are awake. I complain out loud sometimes and they hear me. I complain about Walker's tendency to "not hear" instructions being spoken to him the past couple months, I complain about my weight, I complain about having to serve, I complain about my house, my yard, my students. I've even complained about the one person I feel so strongly against complaining about. My husband. I have made it my resolve for ten years of marriage to not complain about that man. We share that mutual respect for one another. He is so wonderful, and I am so blessed. But he is a man-enough said. I find it incredibly offensive and distasteful when I hear other women complaining about their husbands and it's not something I want to do. Ever. But, I've done it this month once or twice. I justify my complaints with "She's my sister/mom/best friend, she knows us inside and out. She knows how much I love him and how much he loves me. She knows we have a great marriage. This one moment of frustration shared can't taint his image, or cause negative impressions of him to develop..." Oh, but it can. And typically, my frustrations are irrational in the moment, and completely off base. And yet an impression has been established. This can happen in any and every area I choose to complain about.
If all you knew of me was that last paragraph, then you'd think I had a pretty rotten, stinky life. But, that can't be further from the truth. I actually have an incredible life. Those complaints take up a very small portion of my day, they may be expressed in a 30 second text message, or a passing vent followed by a loud sigh in the hallways of my work place, but yet they leave me feeling drab and yucky. They probably encompass less than 6.25% of my entire day, but can affect my thoughts and mind for the rest of the week. A vent session always seems like it will be much more relieving and healing than it ever actually is. In fact, I'd argue that venting my frustrations (ahem...complaining, grumbling, whatever you want to call it) actually magnifies the situation and makes it worse.
Why is it we are so quick to gripe about the frustrations, but aren't chomping at the bits to share all the enjoyable moments?
God's been at work in my heart about this for a few weeks now, and it's something He's worked on me about in the past as well. I simply do not want to be a complainer, but until recently that was because I didn't want to skew someone's impression of marriage, motherhood, the teaching profession, or whatever, or I didn't want to be thought of as a negative person. But lately, God's showing me that my complaining is straight up sin. I've been on my face more times than I'd care to admit seeking his grace and mercy on this over the past month, and I am so thankful He never gives up on me and never stops offering those two gifts.
I saw a verse that a sweet friend posted on Facebook tonight, and it hit me. This is a verse I've known forever, but never really put a lot of focus on. But this, this verse, is what God is calling me to focus on living out daily right now-and not just because I want to be seen as an optimistic person, but because as His child I am called to be light in this dark world. I am called to stand out, to shine, like a radiant star in the darkness.
And though I'm careful to keep my complaining within the safe confines of Christian friendship, it still greatly affects my mind and heart and hinders my ability to shine like a star for the Lord. It's easy to justify this as being "just venting" since I'm not griping to those who don't know the Lord. But, let's just call it what it is-sin. It separates me from the Lord, and possibly impacts those I am speaking with in a negative way as well.
I looked up several different translations of the verse before I began writing because I so wanted to soak in all that God has for me hear. I love each and every translation for different reasons. I am going to share them all here. Maybe you can find encouragement here too. Maybe it's been a crazy month for you and situations have been less than ideal. Maybe it's all too much. It doesn't have to be.
Soak it in, absorb that light and then reflect it.
Philippians 2:14-15 NIV
Do everything without complaining or arguing so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe.
Philippians 2:14-15 NKJV
Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world.
...and oh how this one is my very favorite of them all...
Philippians 2:14-15 Message
Do everything readily and cheerfully-no bickering, no second-guessing allowed! Go out into the world uncorrupted, a breath of fresh air in this squalid and polluted society. Provide people with a glimpse of good living and of the living God. Carry the light-giving message into the night.
Oh how I want to provide people with a glimpse of good living and of the living God. How desperately I want to be one who carries the light-giving message into the night at all times. My prayer for myself is that God would continue to work this out in me, so that this is no longer an area that clouds the impact I can make for God's kingdom. Make me a breath of fresh air in this squalid and polluted society, Lord. Make me a light giver.
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